Relationships

Uplifting Little Hearts

Throughout this series on encouragement, we have discussed general principles for encouraging others, as well as how to boost the spirits of our spouses and our leaders. Today, we will consider how we can encourage our children. In a world that will often disparage and deride our kids when they choose God’s way, it is important that our kids’ little hearts are uplifted so that they may faithfully live in obedience to Him. There is no more important person to provide this encouragement than their parent. If we are committed to doing that well, we can start with these 5 practical suggestions on how to encourage our kids:

1. Commend their godly tendencies

If we are committed to raising our kids in a way that honors Christ, a lot of time will be spent correcting and training them to renounce their sinful inclinations. This is good and proper, and it is a central aspect of the stewardship that God has given us. Unfortunately, because this is such a significant part of the job, we may find that we tend to only issue corrections and never commendations. It is true, my kids aren’t perfect and neither are yours, but it is also true that they each have been fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14). Just because they are not perfect, doesn’t mean that they are completely devoid of any inclination towards godly action. When we see them behaving in a way that honors God – in big and in small ways – we should commend them for it. Not only will this encourage their heart in the moment, but it will motivate them to keep doing the things that please Him.

2. Help them see the big picture

Another way that we can encourage our kids is by helping them look beyond their immediate circumstances when they are faced with disappointment or hurt. If you think about it, especially as our kids grow, a lot of the discouragement they endure will be because of heartache that may be inconsequential in a few years. As parents, it is easy to dismiss these tears as we know that they will fade as quickly as they came. However, instead of overlooking the struggles, we would be wise to help our kids see how what is discouraging them now will likely not matter to them in a few years, and maybe not even in a few days. In other words, rarely do those heartaches have eternal consequences. When we help them see their pain in light of what Christ has accomplished on the cross, and in light of the entirety of God’s plan, they are more likely to have a right response to discouraging situations. Their hearts will be uplifted as they put their thoughts on God rather than on the disappointments of this world.

3. Celebrate their increasing maturity

There is often a lot of fanfare made when a child turns a year older. Although it may not be directly acknowledged, the reason that so much hoopla accompanies a child’s birthday is because it is a recognition that the child is on their way to becoming an adult. However, as a college professor I can tell you with great confidence that the correlation between a young person’s age and their ability to act and conduct themselves as an adult is sometimes lacking. If we want to encourage our kids, we should make sure that we celebrate their increasing maturity, regardless of whether it falls on their date of birth. Perhaps your child worked hard at something where previously they would have given up; this should be commended. Perhaps your child responded in kindness when someone was unkind to them, let’s celebrate their right behavior. We often spend more time and energy commemorating the passage of time on a calendar than we do commemorating the growth in character that we witness in our kids. Let’s change that. Let’s make at least as big a deal out of them growing in godliness as we do out of them growing another year older.

4. Invest time in what interests them

Just like investing time in what interests our spouse can encourage them, so does investing time in what interests our kids. Sometimes God gives us kids who like the same things that we do, but often He does not. However, when we try to conform our kids to our image – what we like and are inclined towards – we (perhaps inadvertently) are no longer teaching them to conform to the image of God. Therefore, we should be striving to teach them how to steward their gifts and interests in a way that honors their Creator. One of the most effective ways that we can have these conversations is if we know what they like, and why they like it. You may hate the thought of camping, but if it is what excites your kid, pitch a tent and spend time in nature. Legos may be the last thing on your mind, but if your kid can’t seem to get enough of them, spend time on the floor building and creating alongside them. Just like your kid’s hobbies don’t have to be your hobbies, you don’t need to be as passionate about their every interest as your kid is. But we should be passionate about knowing the fearful and wonderful people that God created when He formed our kids. Let’s spend time getting to know them and their interests, and as we do so, may we encourage them to be people who use the whole of their lives to honor God.

5. Put a halt to careless words

If you are like most adults, you can probably tell a story of at least one time when your parent spoke harshly or thoughtlessly to you and although the years have passed, the words still echo in your mind. The playground mantra may be that “words can never hurt me” but we all know that they do. As a parent, we have a tremendous opportunity to influence our child towards the good and godly, but careless words abuse this stewardship and can have lasting effects. If we are committed to encouraging our kids we will be diligent about using our words in a way that points them to Jesus, and avoid brandishing our speech out of frustration and anger to minimize our kid. If we fail to use our words wisely, we can still model a right response to our kids by being quick to repent and ask for forgiveness from them and from God, as well as expressly committing to being more disciplined with our words in the future. Hurtful words can have a lasting impact but so can words of contrition and forgiveness. May we cease to utter careless words and instead may our speech point our kids to Jesus.

Ephesians 6:4 teaches that parents should not aggravate their children and instead exhorts that they should be brought up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (ESV). One purposeful way of doing that is to encourage them – not so that they may be puffed up but so that they can have courage to keep living in a way that honors the Lord. May we be more faithful in this endeavor knowing that as we do so, we help our kids encounter the love and grace that comes from Jesus and the “build[ing] each other up” that God has commanded of the Church (I Thess. 5:11).

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Relationships Work

Encouraging Those In Charge

I have noticed an interesting phenomenon when it comes to leadership; there is a considerable amount of time invested in teaching people how to be good leaders and in critiquing those who do lead, and very little time and attention devoted to teaching people how to be better followers. This is strange since we all are under leadership in some aspect of our lives, but we all don’t get the chance to lead. Given the frequency distribution of how often we will have to submit to someone else’s authority versus how often we will be the one in charge, you would think we would pay more attention to making sure that we know how to follow well. Unfortunately, there tends to be an assumption that being a good follower requires little effort; however, we can probably all attest that this is rarely the case.

One way that we can be effective in followership and a blessing to those whose leadership we are under is by encouraging them. We may be tempted to think that it is the leader’s job to boost their team’s morale (and they certainly should!) but that doesn’t get followers off the hook. It has often been said that “it’s lonely at the top,” and this is partly because people rarely think to encourage the ones who are in charge. Here are ­­6 specific ways we can do just that:

1. Resist the urge to complain

Anytime a group of people get together, the conversation can quickly turn to complaints. We all have things in life that we wish were different than they are and if we are under the same leadership as others, articulating all the things that we would change if we were in charge is a quick way to bond. Of course, bonds built on discontentedness are flimsy at best, and it won’t be long until that proclivity towards complaining turns to what people wish was different about us. Even more importantly, if we are a Christian, we are commanded to only say that which is good for building others up (Ephesians 4:29), and you won’t find that in complaints. Instead of being filled with critiques, may we be filled with contentedness because we recognize that even if we wish thigs were different, ultimately, we are all under God’s sovereign authority; we may not be confident in the qualifications or abilities of our earthly leaders, but we should be more than confident in His.[1]

2. Be specific with your thanks

I know it has been said before in this series but giving heartfelt and specific thanks is a great way to encourage anyone, including a leader. Often when we consider all that a leader does, we think, “well, that’s the job!” – and perhaps that is true. However, when we do the work that we are called to – whether that is in our place of employment, in our service at church, or as a parent, we all love to be acknowledged and appreciated. The same is true for those who lead. If you have a personal relationship with a leader – a boss, pastor or ministry leader, coach, teacher, etc. – make sure you directly express gratitude for the specific things that they do to bless and serve you. If you don’t have a personal relationship – you can still give thanks. First, you can express gratitude to your Heavenly Father who uniquely and wonderfully created that leader and who is at work accomplishing His purposes through their role. Secondly, if there is a public way for you to issue a complaint about that leader, instead use it to express your thanks. Perhaps they will never see it, but you are still changing the public discourse to be one of appreciation rather than discord. Remember – someone doesn’t have to the world’s best leader in order to be a recipient of your gratitude. Appreciation should not be contingent on perfection, otherwise the only person to receive our thanks would be God.

3. Do your tasks with joy

Although closely related to resisting the urge to complain, this method of encouragement is about what we will do – namely, to be joyful as we fulfill our responsibilities. Even when we find tasks mundane, we can have joy because we recognize that joy is found in Christ, not in what we accomplish or who is in charge. Can you imagine the difference it would make if bosses, government leaders, educators, and pastors encountered people of joy as they went about their jobs? The amount of acrimony and tension would be greatly reduced, and everyone would probably be more effective in their roles. Again, please understand that being a joyful person does not mean that you don’t acknowledge and work to address injustice or wrongdoing. but it does mean that you maintain an eternal perspective on the sin and disappointments that you encounter. There will be a day when wrongs will be made right, and while that day is not this day, you can find joy in Christ until that day is here.

4. Be a person of peace

Any time there is a group of people under the same leader, there are bound to be disputes. Sometimes there may be legitimate reasons for these disagreements, but far too often, contentious interactions are centered on personal preferences and petty grievances. Of course, there is nothing wrong with having a different perspective than someone else (as long as your perspective is consistent with Scripture), but we must be sure those conversations are not filled with selfishness and pride. Proverbs 19:11 teaches us that “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” We can’t always overlook an offense (if someone is harming themselves or someone else, for instance, we should be quick to reveal and address this), but when we can, when it is something that in the grand scheme of things is inconsequential or insignificant, it is to our credit to do so. When we are people of godly peace, not only do we encourage our leaders and make their job easier, but we help create a peaceful environment for everyone around us as well. 

5. Work diligently

Colossians 3:23-24 teaches us that we should work hard, because ultimately we are working for God and not for man. While this certainly has application to our places of employment, it is also relevant to any investment of time, effort and talent. When we do our best, when we are diligent about the tasks that we have been given to do, we honor those in charge and honor God. Having dependable people who will be faithful to do the work that they have been given, is a great encouragement to leaders.

There may be a temptation to think that our diligence doesn’t matter as long as we get the job done. However, in his book Words of Counsel, Charles Spurgeon effectively shows the fallacy of this perspective. He writes:

What a mean and beggarly thing it is for a man only to do his work well when he is watched. Such oversight is for boys at school and mere hirelings. You never think of watching noble-spirited men………Oh, no; gracious minds outgrow the governance and stimulus which comes of the oversight of mortal man. God’s own Spirit dwells within us, and we serve the Lord from an inward principle, which is not fed from without. There is about a real Christian a prevailing sense that God sees him, and he does not care who else may set his eye upon him; it is enough for him that God is there…..This is to be a true servant of Christ; to escape from being an eye-servant to men by becoming in the sublimest sense an eye-servant, working ever beneath the eye of God.

May our diligence in our roles bring glory to God, and as we work hard, may we be confident that we are being an encouragement to our leaders as well.

6. Pray for your leaders

While it is last in this list, this means of encouragement is first in preeminence. Even if our leaders never know that we are praying for them (but let’s tell them, if we can), petitioning God on their behalf will be a great encouragement as they bear the weight of their responsibilities. James 5:16 teaches us that the prayers of a righteous person can have a great impact, and yet we are often slow to ask God to work in the lives of our leaders. Let us help our leaders be better leaders by asking God to work in and through them for His good purposes. Ultimately, our leaders will be encouraged the most when they find their satisfaction in God and rely on Him for all that they need to lead well. May we faithfully ask that this be true of those who lead us, being quick to talk to God about what we see as lacking their leadership, and only when absolutely necessary, discussing it with anyone else.

It may be counterintuitive to think that we should take on the task of encouraging those who are in charge. As already mentioned, we may think that it is their responsibility to encourage us rather than the other way around. However, we will not be held accountable for how someone else leads, but we will be held to account to how we respond to those who are in charge. Titus 2:9 teaches that one of our responsibilities is to adorn the Gospel to our leaders There are few better ways to do this than by being an encouragement to those who lead.

[1] Although I would hope that it would go without saying, there is a difference between having a complaining spirit, and providing an honest assessment and working towards godly change. We do not have to be a person who complains in order to be a person of change. In fact, the more time we focus on doing good and working towards God’s purposes, the less time we will have to dwell on our preferences. And when our preferences (rather that God’s) are the focus of our attention, we are more apt to be a person of complaints.

Click here for more from the Encouragement Series.

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