In Hebrew 13:4, Christians are instructed to honor marriage. In this passage the author specifically refers to the issue of physical intimacy and this is obviously an important and vital way that marriage should be honored and esteemed. However, while this is perhaps the most obvious and egregious area in which marriages are compromised, it isn’t the only avenue through which the institution of marriage is dishonored. In many lesser ways, we diminish and disregard the importance that God has placed on the marriage relationship.
Here are four additional ways that we should honor marriage beyond physically maintaining marital purity.
Speak Well of Marriage
In our culture, the concept of marriage is often diminished. People talk about how marriage limits their freedom, and even go so far as to equate it to being trapped. The truth is marriage does limit your freedom – but this isn’t a bad thing. It is nice to have someone to depend on and who you love so much that you are willing to sacrifice what you want for their good. Marriage isn’t a trap – it is a treasure.
This is something that bears repeating – we need to readily and opening talk about what a gift marriage is. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t difficult seasons – or difficult marriages – but God established marriage for our good. It was instituted to provide companionship and partnership, and if we are to honor marriage, we should acknowledge this fact and celebrate God’s graciousness in giving us this gift.
Support Our Spouse
If your marriage is like most marriages, you and your spouse share some common interests, but also have interests that diverge. If we want to honor marriage, we should support our spouse as they pursue the interests, talents, and gifts that God has given them (as long as they do so in a biblically commendable way). It is easy to convince ourselves that what is important to us is what is really important, but in all likelihood, many of the things that are our priorities may just be preferences. If we our willing to sacrifice what we want in order to prefer our spouse, we will do much to honor marriage.
The converse of this is also true. If we treat our spouse’s preferences and interests with contempt, we will do much to dishonor the gift of marriage. Often, we are quick to diminish those things that are not of interest or concern to us. We roll our eyes at their interests or laugh at the things that matter to them, but we think are unimportant. But this is not loving, and it does not honor God or our spouse. Let us be our spouse’s biggest fan. May we rejoice and weep with them, even when it is over things that are not specifically a priority for us.
Mind Our Words
Another way that we honor marriage is by using our words to encourage our friends and family members to love their spouses through highlighting their good characteristics, rather than their faults. It is easy to talk with our friends about the way that they (or we) think their spouse should improve. But if we really want to honor marriage, we will help them see the attributes of their spouse that are commendable. We will use our words to help those we love consider their spouse in the best light possible, not the worst. When someone we care about is upset with their spouse, we shouldn’t encourage their anger by “taking their side.” Instead, we should speak in such a way that we are on the side of building a Christ-honoring marriage. That means that we strive to interpret actions in the best possible way, and we help our friends see things from their spouse’s perspective. Our goal should be to encourage our friends to build a healthy marriage – not to make our friends feel justified in their frustration and angst.
Prioritize Marriage
Hopefully, it goes without saying that our marriage should be a priority to us. But another way that we honor marriage is by embracing the fact that everyone’s marriage should be a priority for them. This means we don’t give our friends grief when they can’t do what we want because they are going to an event to support their spouse. It also means that, given the opportunity, we encourage our friends to sacrifice for their spouse – rather than encouraging them to make sure that their own desires are given priority. Our marriage should be the most important human relationship we have, and we should want the same to be true for other married couples. We can honor marriage by expecting and encouraging our friends to invest in their relationship with their spouse, even if it means that they aren’t able to invest as much in their relationship with us.
Hebrews 13:4 doesn’t state that only husbands and wives need to honor marriage. In fact, it specifically states that everyone should do so. If we are married, this obviously means that we should honor the relationship we have with our spouse. But even if we are not, we should still honor marriage by esteeming it as God does. If we do so, not only will we build healthier marriages, but they will better represent the relationship between Christ and His church. And in accomplishing this, Christian marriages may draw unbelievers to Him.
