We are coming to the end of Pastors Appreciation Month, and for many pastors, this may have been the year where expressed appreciation was most needed. It has been a difficult season for those who are charged with caring for the flock while they navigate their responsibility to earthly authorities in light of their ultimate responsibility to the Eternal One. As they have made decisions about how they should continue to facilitate teaching the Word and the ongoing “meeting together” of the Church body, they have been subjected to divergent opinions at best, and at worst, disgruntled and malcontented congregants. In a day where nearly everyone has strong opinions, leading a congregation is no easy task.
I am hopeful, however, that during this past month pastors were acknowledged and appreciated as their work was recognized and valued (And if by chance, you haven’t expressed your appreciation to your pastor this month – there is still time to do so!). Yet I often think that when we thank our pastors, we really should extend our expressions of gratitude to include their families. The “on-call” nature of the pastoral role means that they are often called away from time that they would “normally” spend with their families. Additionally, while nearly every job integrates families to some extent (for example – many companies have Christmas parties that spouses are invited, and at times expected, to attend), perhaps no job does this more than the role of pastor. Being a pastor is a labor of love and oftentimes that labor also involves members of their family.
Due to these reasons and more, our appreciations to our pastors can be expanded to include appreciation for the work their families do to support their ministry. In addition, our prayers for our pastors should be expanded to include their families too. Here are 3 ways specifically that we can pray:
Pray that they will be encouraged in their sacrifice
When I get the chance to teach at my church, people often thank me for the time I have spent studying and preparing. What they don’t readily recognize is that the time I invested was only made possible because of the sacrifice of my husband and my kids who did extra work and sacrificed time with mom in order to make my teaching time possible. This pales in comparison to what pastors’ families do week in and week out for the sake of ministry. Yet rarely do family members receive the kind words and affirmation that are given to the person preaching on stage. Perhaps this is to be expected; we are inclined to thank the person that we see doing the work not the person “behind the scenes” whose contribution is just as necessary but not personally experienced by the audience. However, just because it is to be expected does not mean that we can’t do anything to change it. The families of pastors often sacrifice for, grieve alongside, and are heartbroken for church members just as the pastors are. Let’s make sure that we are praying that they find joy in this sacrifice, just as we pray that our pastors receive joy in their work. Let us pray that as the family walks alongside the church that they love, that they are strengthened, encouraged, and equipped for ministry – a ministry that may not be readily visible but is necessary and important.
Pray for the strength of their relationships
Every job requires time away from family, but few jobs entail the possibility of family time being consistently interrupted without warning like a pastor’s does. At a moment’s notice, they may be called away to help a member of their congregation, or even a member of the community. Even if their family understands the reasons for their unexpected departures, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have an impact. Feelings can be hurt, disappointments can emerge, and emotional distance can be generated. However, while these outcomes are possible, they are not definite. We can, and we should pray, for the relationships in our pastors’ families to be strong; for there to be gentle spirits and understanding hearts, even from kids who may not fully comprehend why their family dynamics seem to be so different from others. We can also pray that our pastors’ family time is protected from interruptions and that God multiplies the time that they do get to spend together. Lastly, we can pray that instead of causing divisions and disappointments, ministry interruptions are used by God to deepen the family’s love for and compassion towards God’s children.
Pray that they would resolutely depend on the Lord
A few years ago, I noticed that a few kids of one of our pastors were playing sweetly together in the church sandbox and I took a picture to send it to their mom. What I didn’t know was that their mom and dad were currently out of town and they were being watched by their grandmother. Almost immediately, their grandmother was concerned that I thought the kids were unattended and that I sent the picture to point this out. This wasn’t the case, but it did remind me just how public the role of a pastor’s family is. So much so that even someone who didn’t live in the same house felt the pressure; how much more intense it must be for the pastor’s family who share the same roof! Yet despite the fact that they are subjected to the opinions of a myriad different individuals, and many (if not all) congregants in the church feel like they “know” them even when they don’t, the pastor’s family receives few of the benefits of being “public figures.” Their actions are subject to scrutiny but rarely affirmation. Their lives may be pried into when no true foundation of relationship exists. They are used as examples in sermon illustrations, and have substantial expectations about their lives and their future thrust upon them, yet may not receive the same level of investment that other congregants receive, because people assume they are already getting the nurturing they need – after all, they are the pastor’s family. In addition, it may be hard to share their struggles and challenges with their brothers and sisters in Christ, because few have demonstrated their trustworthiness to honor that vulnerability. This can’t be easy. And along with changing what we subconsciously expect from the family of our pastor, we can also pray for them. We can pray that their confidence would be in the Lord, and not in the congregants. We can ask God to strengthen them to withstand any unnecessary pressures, yet at the same time to maintain teachable hearts. Lastly, we can plead that God would allow them to regularly experience His grace, and that He would prompt us to be the means by which that grace is delivered at the time and in the way that it would be most helpful to their walk with God.
Encouraging our pastor is hopefully a regular occurrence for us; even more, praying for our pastor should be. As we engage in regularly prayer for our pastors, let us also pray for those who are most beloved by him, those who are in his own earthly family. And then let us encourage and appreciate his family as well.
