In the first part of this series, I wrote about the importance of taking a Sabbath and some principles that moms in particular may find helpful to make a weekly day of rest a more regular part of their way of life. While I think these principles are helpful so that we can rightly consider why we should take a Sabbath and the impact that it can have, I also think it is beneficial to provide some tips on how a mom can practically do that. This is what I hope to provide here.
First, a disclaimer. The tips that I am about to provide are just that – helpful hints that have made an impact on me as I commit to a weekly day of rest. Some of these may not work for your family routine or the particular stage of life that you are in and that’s o.k. I don’t claim to have the market cornered on how all moms should do this everywhere. However, my prayer is that even if the tips as written can’t be immediately implemented into your life, they might prompt some ideas of your own that you can prayerfully attempt. The goal is not that your Sabbath routine looks like mine; the goal is that every Christian follows the command to keep the Sabbath.
And so, without further ado, here are some suggestions for concrete ways that we can regularly take a weekly day of rest.
1. Have and communicate clear expectations.
As a mom and a wife, my schedule is not my own. This is compounded by the fact that I work full-time outside the home as a university professor. Throw in my other responsibilities as a church member, a writer, an independent consultant, and a women’s ministry speaker and there are a lot of demands on my time, and a lot of people who in some way or another need a regular investment of my waking hours. If I am not careful, it would be easy for all the “to dos” to fill up every single minute of every single day, which means I would never get a regular day of rest. In order to avoid this, I try to prayerfully and clearly know what my expectations are for a Sabbath and have good, direct communication with others so that they know I am planning a weekly day of rest. In my family, this is fairly easy to do since our routines all depend on one another’s. Even still, my husband and I try to weekly discuss what we are going to do with our days off of work to make sure our day that is dedicated to rest and worship is protected. With my students, I intentionally tell them at the beginning of the semester that they should not expect replies to emails over the weekend because it is important for me to take a Sabbath. As other demands on my time arise, I work them around my day of rest, rather than working my day of rest around the to dos. This helps ensure that I regularly have a weekly Sabbath.
2. Commit to regular rest throughout the week.
I know it sounds counterintuitive to say that to have a weekly day of rest one needs to regularly rest throughout the week, but I firmly believe this to be true. I find that often the people who most struggle to take a Sabbath are those that burn the midnight oil throughout the week. Small habits become significant ways of life and if we do not build the practice of routinely and consistently resting at night, we won’t have the fortitude and the conviction to take a day of rest each week. As I mentioned in my previous post, God designed our bodies with limitations and one of those is we need sleep. There may be a variation in how much sleep each individual needs, but I believe that those who get a consistent amount of rest each day are most likely to also consistently set aside a day of rest each week.
3. Create a family definition of rest.
In families, one of the hurdles to taking a weekly day of rest is that it might look different for different people. Remember – the purpose of the Sabbath is to focus our heart and our mind on God. Some people do this more readily through contemplative solitude; others do this more naturally through being surrounded by a community of believers. While I believe that any Christian’s Sabbath should involve at least some time in corporate worship with the members of the body of Christ, how much of a day of rest should be spent in community and how much time should be spent by oneself may be a matter of personal preference. In our home, we are evenly divided between introverts and extroverts. Half of us feel reenergized and rested after being filled up by interacting with others; the other half of us need some quiet time to focus our hearts and minds on God and His good gifts to experience the same sort of rejuvenation. Therefore, we are deliberate about organizing our Sabbath around both of these things. But we don’t do this haphazardly. We plan our day this way and if any one of us is finding that too much of our day of rest is not actually restful, we discuss and adjust as needed.
4. Distinguish between labor and service.
Another hurdle that I have found is that many people equate any productive thing that they do as “work.” Therefore, if they spend part of their Sabbath cooking a meal or building a Lego set with their kid, they don’t consider it a day of rest. While I am sure it is possible to make these activities, or a variety of other productive endeavors into work, I am going to suggest that it is helpful to distinguish between labor and service. When I cook a meal for my family it involves some effort, but it doesn’t have to be laborious. And I intentionally choose meals on our Sabbath that aren’t a significant endeavor. However, I still want to serve my family in this way. Just like I want to spend part of our day of rest investing in my kids, and sometimes this is best done over working together on a Lego set. I don’t think just because something yields a productive outcome, we have to consider it work. Furthermore, I would suggest that for most people their day of rest would not be God-honoring if all they do is lay in a hammock and ignore other people’s needs. Jesus said it is good to do good to others on the Sabbath, and that means we continue to serve others graciously. Labor is focused on toil; service is focused on love. We have to circumspectly and prayerfully consider our motivations for the effort that we are expending. If it is to accomplish a “to do,” it is probably work. If it is to do good to others, it is likely service. Be careful – the heart is deceitful and some of us may be tempted to justify “work” because it serves others. If we find ourselves in this quandary, we need to prayerfully offer it to God. If we are using our day of rest to concentrate on what we want to get done and trying to hide it as service, we need to refocus our attention on what He desires us to do.
A concrete example may be helpful here. My husband and I have the privilege of hosting our small group on one weekend night each week. To build community and deepen relationships, once a month this same small group eats dinner together. In the past, we did these dinners potluck style which seemingly spread out the “work” amongst all the members. However, I found that I was spending so much of my Sabbath day checking the sign-up list and trying to figure out how to get the items that no one opted to bring, it became very laborious for me. After talking with my husband, we decided that we would just make the meal every month. I can plan the grocery purchases and manage the time spent preparing the meal around my day of rest. In addition, I find great joy in serving our beloved small group in this way. What could seem like a lot of labor actually isn’t; it is a monthly way that I get to shower on them my love. And that’s precisely what a Sabbath day is for – to refuel us so that we are better prepared to work for God and to show His love to those around us.
5. Avoid deadline-driven activities.
My final practical tip for taking a weekly day of rest is to avoid deadline-driven activities on that day. If I spend part of my Sabbath day making muffins with my daughter because that is something we both enjoy doing, that is different from spending my day making muffins because we need them for a bake sale next week. The second situation has a deadline attached to it and in my experience that makes the same activity more focused on work than rest. Of course, our day of rest is not completely devoid of a schedule because we are committed to making sure that we get to church on time. However, apart from that, we try to avoid anything that “has” to get done on that specific day. God instituted a day of rest for our good and I have never had a day filled with deadlines that seemed restful. We neglect the good that God intended for us if our Sabbath day is filled with things we “must” get done. Practically speaking, this means we strive to schedule deadlines on any other day besides our Sabbath day. That way we can fully participate in and benefit from our day of rest.
If we are not careful, it is easy for many of us to fill our lives with things, with tasks, with commitments and with obligations. However, God wants our life to be filled with Him. That’s why a Sabbath day is so important. It reminds us that our lives should be wholly dependent upon Him and spent in worship of Him. May we prayerfully and increasingly follow the pattern He set for us to dedicate one day a week to rest. And as we do so may we find that we are better equipped and more ready to do the work He has prepared for us to do.
