Growth Relationships

Policing Our Words

When I was a kid, my family and I moved from the South (of the United States) to Southern California. My parents were pretty uncertain about the move, but as the United States Marine Corp had ordered it, across the country we went.  

There was a lot to get used to in our new state and one of the most surprising was the difference in how kids addressed adults. My parents had always taught us that the proper way to interact with a grown-up was to call them by their title (Dr., Ms. Mr., Mrs. etc.) and then their last name. Any other method of address was considered impudent in their home state, but in our new locale, kids calling adults by their first name happened with regular frequency. It was a shock to my parents and, coupled with the fact that we also said “yes sir” or “yes ma’am” to any authority figure, it made my sister and I stand out in social settings. 

The point in all this isn’t to spark a debate on how kids should address adults, but to acknowledge the fact that from a young age I was very aware of the fact that it matter how I talked to those around me. And according to my upbringing, one way that I could show respect is by addressing people by their proper name. 

Just as it matters how I talk to those around me, it also matters how I talk about those whom God has placed in my life. Far too often, it is easy to give in to the temptation to gossip; a conversation that starts off innocently enough can quickly disintegrate into discussing the perceived shortcomings of other people. This should not surprise us; Proverbs warns us of the fact of how deceptively sweet gossip can appear to our fleshly inclinations (Proverbs 26:22). Andin a culture where they literally make “gossip shows” and exalt a character called “Gossip Girl,” there is little in our surroundings that will constrain us. 

However, one way that I have found effective for increasingly resisting the temptation to gossip is to be very aware of whenever I say someone’s given name. This is a helpful reminder because gossip, by definition, happens behind someone else’s back. If I am saying someone’s name, it increases the odds that they are not present. (When we are talking about the person we are talking to, we usually use second-person pronouns – not their given name). Because I am talking about someone who is not there, I want to be extra cautious that the words I am saying would be edifying to them if they were present. When I say someone’s proper name, I want to be building them up – not tearing them down. Saying or hearing someone’s name becomes a way to police myself – is the conversation something that would give grace to the person if they were to appear? Is the conversation giving grace to those who are hearing it now?

This is by no means intended to imply that I am perfect in this regard. There are still times where I look back on conversations and I have said something I wish I hadn’t, and times when I must seek forgiveness for my attitude and words towards other people. However, this little “trick” has been helpful to me in redirecting or exiting conversations when it seems that they are going astray. Uttering someone’s name is a way to check myself before I go down a trail of gossip and careless words. 

There is a reason that Scripture so often warns us of the power of our tongue and how destructive words rashly spoken can be. We are commanded to “let no corrupting talk” (Eph. 4:29) come out of our mouths and this includes the way we speak about other people. The degree to which we police our words will be helpful in ensuring that we obey this command. May we increasingly check ourselves when we hear someone’s name, being careful that the words we say or the conversation we engage in builds up the one we are talking to and whomever we are talking about. 

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Growth

Pray More Purposefully

Recently, I shared some tips on how we can increase the amount of time we spend in prayer. As I mentioned then, how often we pray is one dimension of the quality of our prayer life. Another dimension is how substantive our prayers are. We may pray often but repeat the same things over and over again to the point where prayer feels more like reciting a script than engaging in a conversation. Another danger is that our prayers can become very focused on ourselves, which tends to mean that our lives have a self-orientation as well. Christians are called to love God and love others, and to think of themselves less. Therefore, our prayer lives should reflect this as well. 

Below are some ways that we can use our prayer time more purposefully, adding depth to our conversations with God and thereby increasing the depth of our love for Him. The following list is certainly not exhaustive and many of the suggestions on how we can increase our time spent in prayer can apply to this topic as well. But it is my hope that some of these ideas may help us enrich our prayer life and spark a further faithfulness to petitioning our Heavenly Father on behalf of others. 

Pray the Bible – If you read the previous post then you will recognize that this is a repeated suggestion. However, I don’t think I can recommend highly enough the practice of praying God’s Word. When you pray the Bible, it is unlikely that you will feel like you don’t know what to pray or that you are praying the same thing repeatedly. I already recommended Don Whitney’s book to you and I will do so again. I also highly recommend the Five Psalms app which is based off Dr. Whitney’s book recommendation to pray one of the Psalms of the day. Some of my favorite morning prayer times are when I open the app, choose one of the Psalms, and pray through it. God often uses His Word to recall people and needs I otherwise may neglect to bring to Him in prayer. I also pray for the people I regularly bring before God in new and deeper ways when I pray for them using the words of the Bible. 

Pray for the Unreached and the Persecuted Church – One of the ways to deepen our prayer life is to pray for both the persecuted church and for people who have not yet heard the Gospel. Most people who are reading this have probably never experienced intense government-sanctioned opposition because of their faith. Also, I would guess that everyone reading this has heard the Gospel. Praying for our brothers and sisters in Christ who are either experiencing persecution or working to bring the Gospel to people who have never heard of it is both honoring to God and helpful in giving us a better perspective on our own trials and difficulties. There are numerous apps or resources that provide specific ways that you can be praying for people in these groups. Two apps that I have found helpful are Pray for the Persecuted Church by Open Doors and Unreached of the Day by the Joshua Project. Operation World has both a book and app that may also be used to pray for communities that who have not yet heard the Good News of Christ. 

Maintain a Prayer List – Using our prayer time more purposefully is greatly enhanced by maintaining a list of people or needs that we are committed to bring before the King of Kings. At the minimum, the prayer list should include your family, your church and its pastors, and the people you have committed to bring to the Lord in prayer. People you have committed to pray for include someone to whom you have said “I’ll pray for you” or people in your small group in which prayer requests are shared. As you seek to build your prayer life, your commitments to pray will increase. Maintaining a prayer list then will greatly enhance your ability to keep track of your prayers and fulfill the promises that you have made to seek God’s help on behalf of others. Plus, having a prayer list makes it easier to both record the ways God has answered your prayers and to make sure you follow up with people to whom you have made a commitment to pray. Following up on prayer needs helps strengthen our relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ and having a record of how God has answered our prayers prompts us to both give thanks for His kindness and to remain faithful in bringing our petitions before Him when He doesn’t answer on the time schedule we would prefer. 

Dedicate a Day – One of the ways to ensure that you are intentional in praying for key facets of your life and ministry is to dedicate specific days to pray for specific people or specific categories of prayers. For example – you may have a specific day where you focus on praying for government issues at the local, state, and national level. Or you may have a day where you commit to praying for every member of your small group. Dedicating a day for key areas of prayer has helped me ensure that I don’t focus my prayers only on what is at the top of my prayer list or the top of my mind. If there are certain categories you want to make sure you regularly pray for (example: church, government, friends, family, ministry, work, and world issues) consider picking one day a week where you purpose to pray for the prayer needs you know of in that group. You may want to do an internet search of your local, state, and national leaders so you can pray for them by name on the day you have selected to pray for them. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t pray for other things on that “dedicated day,” but it is beneficial in making sure key areas of your world are regularly covered in prayer.

Write Out Your Prayers – There is something about taking the time to write our prayers that seems to make them more intentional and focused. You may keep a prayer journal alongside your prayer list, which can be a great resource for incorporating two of these suggestions into your prayer practices. You also may consider writing out prayers for families and friends and sending them your petitions on their behalf through email or text. It is one thing to tell someone you are praying for them, but it is especially encouraging when they know the specific prayer you have uttered. These written out prayers increase in their depth and significance when they also include Scripture. If you don’t know where to start, you may just want to pick a particular Bible passage that pertains to someone’s current situation, send them the verse, and let them know you are praying those truths for their lives. Then make sure you do it! Writing out our prayers makes us more carefully consider what we are praying and helps ensure that we are being thoughtful and intentional with the words we bring before God. 

Record a Prayer – I am blessed to pray for many different people, but because I am a full-time wife, mom, and employee, I don’t have the opportunity to pray with these same individuals as often as I would like. One of the practices that has helped in this regard is the feature on iPhone’s messaging app that allows you to record a messaging and send that recording via text message. Unfortunately, as far as I know Android does not have a similar feature, but if you have an Apple product with iMessage, I highly encourage you to try this. I can record myself praying for a friend, send them the prayer, and they can listen to it and pray “with” me when they are able. Additionally, these messages can be saved and replayed which can be especially uplifting during difficult circumstances or seasons. To not only know that someone is praying for you, but to hear them bring you before the throne room of God, helps center your thoughts and mind on Him.  When the road is tough and you can pray “with” someone even when you are not physically together, this is a wonderful use of the technology God has graciously given us. 

Our relationship with our Heavenly Father is strengthened when we spend more time in prayer and when we spend our prayer time more purposefully. As we seek to do these things in greater measure, may our trust in God and our love of Him increase each and every day. 

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