Relationships

Not Understanding

My dad likes to call me a professional student and I suppose there’s truth to that description. While some people hate school, I love it. It’s not that I think homework or projects are the best thing since slice bread (who does?) but I love the process of learning. Some people might ask, “If you love it so much, why’d you rush through it?” but frankly that’s another story for another day.

My relentless quest of inquiry is great for studies, but less than magnificent when it comes to relationships. I guess its because within education there’s a certain expectation that understanding can be achieved. I apply that to people and I’m often left short. Despite my intuitive nature (according to Meyers-Brigg), and years of study, people still surprise me. Sometimes in good ways, but unfortunately those are the instances that are hard to remember. It’s the hurts, trials, and careless words that pierce my soul. These happenings dig even deeper when I can’t fathom the reason for their existence. It’s one thing if I can anticipate that someone might be upset with me (like the person I accidentally cut off on the freeway) it’s a completely different thing when someone I’m close to is less than thoughtful with their actions. It seems to hurt even worse precisely because the cause of it remains a mystery.

What I’m trying to learn though is that understanding is not a prerequisite for trust. Just like I want to remind the upset person on the freeway that we all cut people off sometimes, I try to remind myself that I’m sure I’ve unintentionally hurt others before. Just because I’m guilty of this fallacy, I don’t want my friends to write me off. Instead I want them to understand that sometimes life isn’t what we intend, but that my commitment to them, while maybe not evident in that particular action, is still meaningful and strong. Complete understanding isn’t required for relationships (after all, how many of us can say we understand God). Love triumphs understanding, even in pain.

I am certain that despite my commitment to inquiry there are things in life that will forever remain a mystery. I’m also convinced that sometimes a lack of understanding is for our good for complete understanding would destroy the beauty of the unexpected blessing. So I aim not for understanding, but for love, trusting that it really is “the greatest of these.” (I Cor. 13:13b)

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Growth

The Cult of Celebrity

Social networks have become so proliferate that its no longer “cool” and “hip” to be a part of them. They are now part of the social fabric and one can find their teachers from high school, pastors, and a lot of other more “conventional” personalities online. The curious thing about social networks is that once you are someone’s “friend” you can track what’s going on in their life without ever actually talking to them. Want to know what the Homecoming King is up to 20 years later? Become their Facebook friend and you can see pictures of their family, find out what’s happening in their day, and know where the work, where they went to school, and what their daily status is, without ever having a conversation. In fact “facebook stalking” has become a common term – the process of tracking the nature of status updates to see who’s doing what, with whom, and when.

This abundance of information about ordinary people’s daily lives helps create celebrities out of “regular joe’s” (not to be confused with Joe the Plumber – he became a celebrity all on his own.) At first the paparazzi tracked only A-List stars, then they began hunting after people who’s only claim to be fame was the fact that they were famous. Now, everyone has the opportunity to broadcast their personal business and get “fans” and “friends” alike to follow them.

While this cult of celebrity is an interesting social phenomenon, it’s also a scary one. Christians especially should be wary of the pride it can create. It’s human nature to desire attention, but that’s not what God has required of us. He has asked us to be humble (James 4:6), a servant (John 13:12-17), and to seek Him above the acclaim of others (Matt 6:33). Sure, its rewarding to gather as many “friends” as possible, and to try to capture the attention of those who surround us, but how much greater to attract the attention of our Creator, and to get a “well done” comment from the One who’s opinion really matters. After all, even those who have long-standing relationship with the paparazzi in this world see their fame slipping away. Why not be celebrated in the kingdom that will last forever instead?

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