Growth

3 Ways to Pray for Your Pastor’s Family

We are coming to the end of Pastors Appreciation Month, and for many pastors, this may have been the year where expressed appreciation was most needed. It has been a difficult season for those who are charged with caring for the flock while they navigate their responsibility to earthly authorities in light of their ultimate responsibility to the Eternal One.  As they have made decisions about how they should continue to facilitate teaching the Word and the ongoing “meeting together” of the Church body, they have been subjected to divergent opinions at best, and at worst, disgruntled and malcontented congregants. In a day where nearly everyone has strong opinions, leading a congregation is no easy task.

I am hopeful, however, that during this past month pastors were acknowledged and appreciated as their work was recognized and valued (And if by chance, you haven’t expressed your appreciation to your pastor this month – there is still time to do so!). Yet I often think that when we thank our pastors, we really should extend our expressions of gratitude to include their families. The “on-call” nature of the pastoral role means that they are often called away from time that they would “normally” spend with their families. Additionally, while nearly every job integrates families to some extent (for example – many companies have Christmas parties that spouses are invited, and at times expected, to attend), perhaps no job does this more than the role of pastor. Being a pastor is a labor of love and oftentimes that labor also involves members of their family.

Due to these reasons and more, our appreciations to our pastors can be expanded to include appreciation for the work their families do to support their ministry. In addition, our prayers for our pastors should be expanded to include their families too. Here are 3 ways specifically that we can pray:

Pray that they will be encouraged in their sacrifice

When I get the chance to teach at my church, people often thank me for the time I have spent studying and preparing. What they don’t readily recognize is that the time I invested was only made possible because of the sacrifice of my husband and my kids who did extra work and sacrificed time with mom in order to make my teaching time possible. This pales in comparison to what pastors’ families do week in and week out for the sake of ministry. Yet rarely do family members receive the kind words and affirmation that are given to the person preaching on stage. Perhaps this is to be expected; we are inclined to thank the person that we see doing the work not the person “behind the scenes” whose contribution is just as necessary but not personally experienced by the audience. However, just because it is to be expected does not mean that we can’t do anything to change it. The families of pastors often sacrifice for, grieve alongside, and are heartbroken for church members just as the pastors are. Let’s make sure that we are praying that they find joy in this sacrifice, just as we pray that our pastors receive joy in their work. Let us pray that as the family walks alongside the church that they love, that they are strengthened, encouraged, and equipped for ministry – a ministry that may not be readily visible but is necessary and important.

Pray for the strength of their relationships

 Every job requires time away from family, but few jobs entail the possibility of family time being consistently interrupted without warning like a pastor’s does. At a moment’s notice, they may be called away to help a member of their congregation, or even a member of the community. Even if their family understands the reasons for their unexpected departures, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have an impact. Feelings can be hurt, disappointments can emerge, and emotional distance can be generated. However, while these outcomes are possible, they are not definite. We can, and we should pray, for the relationships in our pastors’ families to be strong; for there to be gentle spirits and understanding hearts, even from kids who may not fully comprehend why their family dynamics seem to be so different from others. We can also pray that our pastors’ family time is protected from interruptions and that God multiplies the time that they do get to spend together. Lastly, we can pray that instead of causing divisions and disappointments, ministry interruptions are used by God to deepen the family’s love for and compassion towards God’s children.

Pray that they would resolutely depend on the Lord

A few years ago, I noticed that a few kids of one of our pastors were playing sweetly together in the church sandbox and I took a picture to send it to their mom. What I didn’t know was that their mom and dad were currently out of town and they were being watched by their grandmother. Almost immediately, their grandmother was concerned that I thought the kids were unattended and that I sent the picture to point this out. This wasn’t the case, but it did remind me just how public the role of a pastor’s family is. So much so that even someone who didn’t live in the same house felt the pressure; how much more intense it must be for the pastor’s family who share the same roof! Yet despite the fact that they are subjected to the opinions of a myriad different individuals, and many (if not all) congregants in the church feel like they “know” them even when they don’t, the pastor’s family receives few of the benefits of being “public figures.”  Their actions are subject to scrutiny but rarely affirmation. Their lives may be pried into when no true foundation of relationship exists. They are used as examples in sermon illustrations, and have substantial expectations about their lives and their future thrust upon them, yet may not receive the same level of investment that other congregants receive, because people assume they are already getting the nurturing they need – after all, they are the pastor’s family. In addition, it may be hard to share their struggles and challenges with their brothers and sisters in Christ, because few have demonstrated their trustworthiness to honor that vulnerability. This can’t be easy. And along with changing what we subconsciously expect from the family of our pastor, we can also pray for them. We can pray that their confidence would be in the Lord, and not in the congregants. We can ask God to strengthen them to withstand any unnecessary pressures, yet at the same time to maintain teachable hearts. Lastly, we can plead that God would allow them to regularly experience His grace, and that He would prompt us to be the means by which that grace is delivered at the time and in the way that it would be most helpful to their walk with God.

Encouraging our pastor is hopefully a regular occurrence for us; even more, praying for our pastor should be. As we engage in regularly prayer for our pastors, let us also pray for those who are most beloved by him, those who are in his own earthly family. And then let us encourage and appreciate his family as well.

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Being Content Growth

Giving the Gift of Gratitude

As a reader of historical biographies, I often remind myself to avoid making comprehensive statements about current events. While it is certainly true that each day has its new challenges and new opportunities, it is also equally true that “for everything there is a season” (Ecc. 3:1-8) and there is “nothing new under the sun” (Ecc. 1:9).  We may be experiencing a certain type of season for the first time, but it doesn’t mean that it is the first time it has occurred in history. For example – we think that we live in an age where political discourse is at an all-time level of contentiousness, and yet, it wasn’t too long ago in American history that political rivals fairly regularly fought duels. I don’t think that makes the enmity in our public conversations any more palatable, but it does help to keep it in perspective.

So it with great hesitation that I make any type of resounding pronouncement about the last several months as the world has battled a global pandemic. My experience in epidemiology is limited, but I know enough about history to know that this isn’t the first time the world has faced such a situation, and if the Lord tarries, it probably won’t be the last. And yet even with that giant disclaimer, I believe that I can confidently say that for many people the last several months have been wearisome. We don’t know when things will return to “normal” and what “normal” will look like when they do. Throw in a presidential election, societal tensions, a cacophony of opinions regarding how to mitigate economic and social costs due to Covid-19, plus the everyday stressors of being a human being, and it is enough to make many feel overwhelmed and helpless. The struggle is real, as they say, and many are experiencing the struggle in ways that they have never experienced before.

In light of this reality, we may be tempted to look inward – to focus on the things in our lives that we believe we can control. We may find that we react stronger to inconveniences or to situations that aren’t as we desire them to be. Tensions may mount as we take on new roles and responsibilities due to changing external conditions. And because we are so focused on the changes and the challenges, we neglect to look around and notice that things are challenging and changing for everyone else too.

If you find yourself in this situation, I have a suggestion. Give the gift of gratitude. Find someone, each and every day, that is facing the challenges that have been thrown at them and are doing it in such a way that they deserve commendation, and thank them for what they are doing to “keep on, keeping on” in the midst of the difficulties and turmoil. This may be a teacher who has changed lesson plans to accommodate distance learning, and then changed them once again to return to the classroom, and then changed them again to accommodate a child who is quarantined at home. You may thank a pastor who has faithfully tended to the flock that God has entrusted to him – who has altered service times, changed his preaching schedule, and has coordinated online or outside meetings – to ensure that that the church members continue to get fed, never complaining about how much he misses the after-service interaction which was so enriching for his soul. Thank a first responder who continues to show up to work each and every day, not fully knowing what they are risking for themselves or their family. Express gratitude to the grocery store worker, the gas station attendant, or the doctors and nurses who continue to serve others, sometimes in hostile or threatening environments. Thank your child who has worked hard in whatever new schooling situation they faced. Thank your spouse who has helped you deal with your stress, even while dealing with their own. Thank God who remains faithful, and does not change, even as the world around us regularly does.

Here is the crux of the matter – when we are regularly acknowledging and expressing gratitude for others and the things that they are doing, it is hard to keep our eyes on ourselves and the challenges we face. This doesn’t make our challenges any less real, but it does help us keep them in perspective. Other people are struggling too – and we can provide a minute of encouragement to them to help lessen their struggle a little bit. When we do so, we often find that our load is lessened as well. There is a reason that Paul’s letters are filled with expressions of thanks to the churches he was writing to, and it is not just because of the good that they were doing for him. He also thanked them for being faithful followers of Christ. As they were faithful in their service, it had to encourage him to continue to be faithful in his, even though the situations that he was in were often less than ideal (there is a reason that we have a group of letters called “The Prison Epistles”). We too should regularly thank others – for who they are and what they do – regardless of the difficulties of our current situation. 

So if you are feeling wearisome from this long road that we have collectively been walking, if you are discouraged because you don’t know when this situation will end, let me encourage you to stop counting the days, and to start counting the reasons you have to give thanks. Express your gratitude daily – first to God Who is the giver of all good things, and then to someone else who is blessing you or encouraging you by the way that they are approaching their tasks. As we do so may we recognize that although we are giving thanks to others – we are the ones that are being blessed.

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