Relationships

The Multitude of Loneliness

I think it’s a feeling that we’ve all had. You’re surrounded by people and yet you feel utterly alone. The logic of it is inexplicable. In fact, it defies all sound explanation. People are everywhere and yet you feel like no one is around. Numerous individuals cloud the stage and you’re imagining yourself at the third grade talent show staring back at the hundreds of faces that return your gaze. It’s a solo performance and you’re abandoned in a sea of humanity. Despite the multitude there is no solace.

I have yet to figure out what causes the feeling. It’s not the people you’re with or the environment one finds oneself in because I’ve had radically divergent feelings in comparable situations. Nor is the feeling solely emanating from an internal war, as evident by the fact that similar feelings can create different results. Best I can tell, at least from my experience, there is no one reason that causes this feeling to occur. But when it does, it can be terrifying.

I think it’s because we all want to believe that there’s something to depend on. Even in the midst of life’s struggles we want to know that someone will be there that can support us and help guide us on our way. We want to believe that facing the world alone is not required, because quite frankly, the world can be an utterly scary place. Soldiers are some of the toughest, and most independent people I know, but they are also the ones that tend to value their relationships most profoundly. They know the value of having someone else with them in the foxhole. Feeling of loneliness aren’t scary because you are actually physically alone; their terror comes from the feeling that everything is reliant on you. You are the cause and solution and nothing you can do can change that.

It might be for this reason that Jesus reminded us so many times that we are not alone. Before Joshua went into battle, before Jesus departed the Earth, reminders were given that God would be with His followers wherever they went. Not only is the comforting because it’s a good thing to know God’s on your side, but it’s also a reminder that the execution of His work is not dependent on you. The Cause and the Solution of every situation is with you each step of the way. You are not alone, the Impetus of All Things is right there with you.

Sometimes its hard to remember this before you’re scheduled to sing in front of the crowd. Sometimes feeling alone is a hard feeling to shake. Thank goodness God keeps His promise regardless of our feelings. And thank goodness that feelings change.

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Purpose

A Living Eulogy

The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on.”
–Walter Lippmann,

We’ve probably all done it. It’s the exercise that’s supposed to prompt you to think about how you want to live your life. The purpose is to consider the memory that you want to leave behind after you’re gone. Writing your own eulogy and making a comparison to where you fall short is supposed to show you where you need to make progress in your life. It’s a way to set goals, identify dreams and realize aspirations. Contemplative writing designed to startle you into compliance.

As with most contrived things, I never placed a lot of value in the exercise. Sure, there was a purpose in it, and I understood that, but did one really have to go through the process of writing their own eulogy to know what was missing from their life. Besides, it seemed that it was more likely that you’d be setting yourself up for disappointment when you fail to achieve what your self-created eulogy said. One never knows what life will throw at you. How could you begin to anticipate what you want your legacy to be?

In a lot of ways, I still believe that this is true. The biggest impact that we have is not summed in quantifiable statistics that can be anticipated prior to our demise. Sure, we may desire to live in a big house, be a successful businessperson or find the cure for cancer, but our chances for success in these endeavors can not be readily ascertained early in life. The things that we can purposefully impact have to do with how we conduct our lives rather than what we achieve. It’s in the manner which we impact other people that our legacy is solidified. They are the ones who reflect who we were after we’re gone. It is with others that our impact is eternal.

It’s probably why Jesus didn’t choose to leave behind a monument or an autobiographical tome as our guide to the Christian life. Instead, He poured His life into others and left behind a group of disciples that reflected His teaching. His disciples were His legacy and they led the way for those that followed. He imparted to them His Spirit and the will and conviction that salvation comes from faith alone. It was this conviction that propelled them to reach the world.

Had the disciples written their eulogies prior to meeting Jesus, they probably would have said something along the lines of “He was a great fisherman”. Thank goodness they decided to be fishers of men instead.

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