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I’ve been known to extol the benefits of ambivalence. Being unconcerned about what happens creates lower stress, healthier outlooks, and reduces the likelihood of unmet expectations. Ambivalence can be the way to go, especially when your goal is to be as unattached as possible.

Despite my praise for ambivalence, I’m very bad at practicing it. I remember the day in 5th grade where I decided I wasn’t going to care so much. Unfortunately that just manifested itself in an unwillingness to express my emotions. Ironically, I still cared a lot, it was just that no one knew it. My pseudo-ambivalence actually led to more stress because I had all these emotions brewing inside with no outlet. I just wasn’t wired for ambivalence. Doing my best has always been how I’ve gone about life, and resigning myself to less than that was unacceptable.

Today, however, I did realize that there was an alternative. Instead of ambivalence, I could practice acceptance. Usually, this word is used to describe relationships between people, but it doesn’t have to be used that way. It can also mean a willingness to consider those things in life that we can have an impact on and choosing to accept things outside of that circumference. Very few things in life are radically different as a result of our actions, so why worry about them? We can waste valuable time, energy and resources trying to change things for which we lack control, or we can accept that sometimes this is the way things are. It doesn’t mean that we stop caring, it just means that we acknowledge that God hasn’t willed us His throne. He’s still on it, and the things that are in His hands, aren’t in ours.

I’m confident that an attitude of acceptance breeds peace. It’s why we can have confidence in God’s repeated commandment to not fear. When we take things as they come, there’s no place for anticipating despair. And that’s the place I want to be.

Organization is a strength of mine. Give me time and I can probably figure out a quick way to accomplish a given task. Maybe it was because my dad was a Marine, but very early on I caught on to the whole concept of divide and conquer. I knew that if you broke any challenges up into smaller tasks eventually you could overcome. Figuring out the next step to take was usually the most challenging part. Once you had that covered, the rest usually fell into place.

Because I’m such a big fan of organization, I’m not a fan of stuff. Stuff clutters. Stuff gets in the way. And stuff makes organization more difficult. Organization, like a lot of things in life, benefits from simplicity. For example, the person who is always behind schedule is usually not that way because that’s how they want to be. Usually they’re running behind despite all the best intentions of getting everything done that they wanted. Whether it’s an actual material possessions or its unnecessary activity, stuff has ruined their plans. Planing (another one of my favorite activities) can usually prevent a lot of tardiness, but the best of plans break down for lack of organization or the abundance of too much stuff.

Yet despite my aversion to stuff, I find myself placing way too much importance on it. The silliest things can cause me concerns. Today, I came home and was missing a bowl. And despite knowing that the value of this bowl was extremely negligible, not knowing where it was bothered me. Not because i was worried that I might have to replace it. No, I was worried because it was “mine” and I didn’t know where it was. I couldn’t account for its absence – and since it wasn’t a camera or an ATM card there was little chance that I had lost it – and I immediately felt my sense of possession increase. MY bowl was missing – and that meant there was something wrong in the world.

And there was something wrong. But not what I originally thought. What was wrong was that I wasted so much time even thinking about it, when I ache so little for the person begging on the street. What was wrong was that I searched for the bowl, when I don’t spend the time to call a friend in need. And what was wrong was that I had even bothered to figure out that the bowl was missing, when I can’t be bothered to count the number of friends who don’t know their Savior. It wasn’t the missing bowl that was the problem, it was my focus on it.

Everything in this life is going to end up as dust or in the dumpster. Every THING. And I would no sooner take the time to organize the things in my trash than I would try to categorize dust bunnies. And yet its my things that I feel ownership of. It’s my possessions that create a sense of entitlement.

Thank God He didn’t give me what I was entitled to. Maybe I can give up everything else that’s mine too.