Relationships

The Purposeful Drive: As a Parent

This is the third post in a series. You can read the first two posts here and here.

As a working parent, there are often long stretches of time where I am in the car by myself. However, it seems with equal frequency, I find myself in the car with the kids – either taking them to school or a child-specific event, or going somewhere together as a family. Regardless of whether it is a solo trip or a group outing, I work to make the time in the car a purposeful experience. Here are some ways that you can do the same:

Pray – As I have written previously, time in the car is great for prayer. As a parent, I often spend solo trips praying that my kids would know and love Christ more each and every day, as well as praying for the particular situations that they are currently facing – whether that is their relationships with friends, or a particular area of growth that they are working towards achieving. However, my prayer time for my kids is not limited to the times when they are not with me. When we go somewhere together, we always try to pray for our plans for the day. This starts with identifying things that we can thank God for, and includes identifying people that we know are in need of God’s help and grace. Additionally, we pray that we would glorify God in our words and actions and that our behavior would honor Him. I try to make this as specific as possible. If we are going to hang out with friends – we pray for spirits of generosity. If we are going to church – we pray for receptive hearts and the commitment to apply what we have learned. We ask God to help us approach whatever is next on our agenda in a way that pleases Him – and it helps all of us have hearts and minds that our focused on Him, rather than ourselves.

In addition to these “planned prayers,” our car rides have become opportunities for spontaneous petitions too. From the time my kids were young, if we heard sirens or saw a car accident, we would ask God to be with the emergency personnel and whomever they were going to help. As they have gotten older, it is often our kids who will hear the sirens first and call our family to pray for the people involved. Not only do these prayers remind all of us that we serve a big God, but they incline our hearts towards compassion for those whose days have taken unexpected, and often tragic, turns.

Learn – Perhaps because I spend so much time in the car, from the time my kids were babies, I was committed to using our travels to help them learn. I knew I wouldn’t have as much time at the kitchen table or on the living room floor to engage them in many of the traditional learning activities for growing minds. Even when they were too young to have a conversation, I would “chat” with them in the car. As they grew, we played observation games, learned to read new words, and memorized Bible verses (Seeds of Worship CDs which sets Bible verses to music are a great way to start this practice). One of our current favorites is to play is “guess the animal” – where one person thinks of an animal and then the others ask “yes” or “no” questions to try to guess it. I am not ashamed to admit that my kids have already surpassed me in their knowledge of obscure living creatures. We also will review math facts, or pick a word and try to find as many rhyming words as we can. It would be easy to spend a car ride to the grocery store listening to VeggieTales songs, and there may be some value in doing that, sometimes. But whether the car ride is long or short, I work to make sure that we are building our minds as we ride.

(A quick aside: Years ago, I learned of a family that plays travel Catchphrase as they drive to school. My kids aren’t quite old enough for this yet but I am looking forward to the day we can do this. Learning doesn’t have to be boring and this is a great way to practice reading, build vocabulary, while having fun, even on short journeys.)

Inquire – Another one of my favorite ways to spend car time is to find out what is going on in my kids’ lives. For one of my kids in particular, they are much more willing to share what is on their heart and mind when I am not staring directly at them. There have been times of confession and times of heartache shared in the car that I may have been otherwise unaware of except for those drives. More often than not, these times are prompted when I ask specific questions. Some of my favorites are:

  • What was the best thing about the day? What was the most challenging?
  • Who did you play with during recess? What did you do?
  • What did you learn today?
  • What do you like best about school? What do you like least?
  • How did you bless (or how were you kind to) someone else today? How did someone bless you?
  • Based on today, what will you work harder at tomorrow?

Give Thanks – When we first started praying with our kids in the car, we did so by asking them what they were thankful for. From a very young age, they could articulate something that made them happy or something that they treasured. From an adult’s perspective, some of these things probably seemed silly (“toy animals” is still a common response from one of my kids), but we always took whatever they said at face value – and proceeded to thank God for it. If they were tempted to say “nothing” – we reminded them that there was always something to thank God for, and then we would work to identify what that could be. Counting your blessings and having a heart of gratitude for them helps ensure that whatever happens during the journey or at the destination, you are reminded of the fact that thankfulness should be the condition of your heart.

Prayer time is not the only way that we give thanks while we are in the car. We frequently are singing songs of thanks to God, recounting the many ways that He has blessed us. We also endeavor to thank God when His hand of protection is evident, such as when we narrowly avoid a car accident, or when we experience His unwarranted blessings (example – light traffic on a day when we are running late.) During a car ride there is the opportunity to observe many things, and as often as we can, we want these observations to spark gratitude in our hearts for God’s great kindness towards us.

As a parent, especially when you are the parent of young kids, it is easy to think of driving time as an opportunity for a “break” as there are plenty of other things that can distract and entertain your kids in the car. However, as parents of older kids can tell you, the time will quickly come when our children are no longer dependent upon us to get from one place to another and we will miss the transportation time we once had with them. Let us use those occasions wisely, while we still have the opportunity to do so.

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Purpose

New (School) Year Resolutions

Like many parents, I view the start of a new school year with mixed emotions. As I have written about previously, there is some eager anticipation as we find out who our kids’ teachers will be, which classmates will be in their class, and what the workload for the school year will be. While there is a tendency to let this anticipation grow into a desire for my children to have the “best” situation for them, I have committed instead to let my hope for them drive me to pray that they will be a blessing to whomever God places in their path.

This year as I anticipate the start of school, I realize that just as the school year will afford my children many opportunities, their new classrooms and classmates also create opportunities for me. Each person in their class represents parents that I will encounter that, apart from my children’s classroom assignment, I would likely never meet. Not only will be children make new connections, but if I am intentional, so will I.

With this in mind, I prayerfully considered how I can use this school year to its fullest. Recognizing that while it is important that my children accomplish their educational goals, it is infinitely more important that I consider how our family might be used to accomplish God’s eternal objectives. In short, I must commit to use this new school year for God’s glory, and trust that as we do so, He will ensure that it is also used for my children’s growth.

Therefore, I have resolved that this new school year, I will commit to the following:

1. Pray for the Parents

I often pray for the students that my kids will encounter, mainly because I want my children to become friends with godly individuals. However, I have recently been convicted that I also need to pray for the parents of those kids. The purpose is two-fold. First, I pray for the parents because I want my kids’ friends to grow up in God-honoring households. I recognize that eventually the choices that these parents make could end up impacting my kid via their friends. If my kids have friends whose parents are holding them accountable to God’s standards, this makes it more likely that these friends will be encouraging my kids to make wise choices. This is a good thing!

Secondly, I pray for these parents that I might have wisdom on how to best minister to them. I want to have eyes to see those who are hurting and who need help, knowing that as I am a blessing to them, it may open the door for Gospel conversations. I had a profound reminder of this last year as my kids and I were leaving school one day. My social butterfly child was filling our walk to the car with a bevy of farewells. As she said goodbye to one child, his parent heard and determined that this was enough of a connection to ask for help. Although helping in the situation created a bit of inconvenience on my part, it turned out to be well worth it. As the group made the way to our family’s car, the kid’s parent saw my license plate frame for my church and drew the conclusion that it was because I was a churchgoer that I was willing to help. It was a powerful reminder that, as a Christian, I am always representing Christ. And if I am helpful to someone who has no expectation that I will do so, it can be a powerful testament of the love of our Savior.  

2. Open My Home

Although my husband has helped me become more apt to invite others for dinner and socializing, I have realized that I tend to host friends with whom I share the most in common – my Christian friends. While this may be natural, if I limit my dinner guests to only Christians, I am missing a wonderful opportunity. Inviting someone into your house almost instantly deepens your connection, building a stronger foundation upon which to have evangelistic conversations. In addition, when our family hosts others we still follow our normal practices of prayer before mealtimes, and in expecting biblical obedience from our kids. In and of itself this may initiate conversations regarding what we believe and the God that we serve . And these our conversations well worth having.

3. Give Invitations

I jokingly call my more outgoing child our family’s social coordinator because she has no problem extending invitations to others. She often invites people to have a meal with us, to visit with us, or to go with us on an adventure. She is equally as excited to invite people who don’t know God to come to church activities. Recently when our church had an outreach event, she immediately asked if we could invite a neighborhood friend who she knows is unchurched. I want to emulate this thoughtful intentionality as we enter a new school year, liberally inviting those we meet to come to church functions. They may not come, but that’s o.k.  Some may come, and that might be a first encounter which eventually leads them to Christ.

4. Speak of Eternity

My last new school year resolution is to speak often of eternal things. Most of the times conversations with school friends’ parents can stay on the surface and the trivial. However, these are not the really meaningful things in life. I am prayerfully and purposefully planning to interject these conversations with items of biblical significance as often as I can. This doesn’t have to be strange; after all, when I talk to my Christian friends we readily point to the meaning in the midst of the mundane. I can do the same with my conversations with non-Christians – even though in this case, it may be a one-sided endeavor. If someone is worried about which teacher their child will get, I can share that I’m not worried because I know that God is in control and He has a good plan. If someone asks for my advice, I can tell them which Scripture I am basing my perspective on. My heart and mind should be fixed on spiritual things and this should come out in my conversations, regardless of whether the person I am speaking to professes to believe the same things. As I do so, I prayerfully hope that the light that they see in me may cause them to ultimately long for the Light of Christ.

New school years are exciting times. But let’s remember that they are not primarily exciting because it means our kids will achieve new things. Instead, each school year provides new opportunities to share Christ and to be His hands and feet to those we may meet. Let us resolve to do this well that we might not waste any opportunity that God has given us to make Christ known and to share His love with those who don’t know Him.

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