Purpose Relationships

The Purposeful Drive: As A Spouse

As I previously wrote about, one of my goals is to use the time I spend in the car in beneficial and intentional ways. It is far too easy to think of the car time as inconsequential and therefore to fritter it away. One of my priorities when I drive is to use the time to invest in and strengthen my marriage. Here’s how. 

Prayer

Spending extended time in prayer in the car may seem odd to some, but for me it is a great opportunity to consider what my husband has going on that day and to ask for God’s wisdom and grace to infiltrate his life. If I know he has an important meeting or a difficult conversation, I will pray specifically for God to work in those circumstances. My time in the car is also a great opportunity for me to reflect on the type of spouse that I am and to ask God for His help in specific areas that I know could use improvement. During these times of reflection, God has graciously shown me ways in which I have sinned and have not shown the kind of sacrificial love to my spouse that is reflective of the love Christ has demonstrated to me. Many prayers of repentance and requests for help in my sanctification have been uttered in the car.

It is not only when I am by myself that I pray for my husband. I also strive to pray for my husband with my kids. This not only helps them see their father in a different light, but it also helps me demonstrate to them a vital practice that I hope they adopt someday – intentional and specific prayers for their spouse.

Plan

My husband and I live full lives and sometimes the time we spend driving to date nights are our first solid moments of interrupted time in a given week. Because my personal preference is not to spend date night on logistical or administrative issues, we will often do this on the drive to where we are going. We will talk about upcoming family events or budgeting adjustments we need to make. I know other couples who prefer more dedicated time to have these discussions, but for us, unless it is some out of the ordinary or extremely significant, our date night drives are a great time to plan. 

I also find it helpful to use the time in the car to plan how I might be more of a help and a blessing to my spouse. In the busyness of the day, sometimes it is difficult to take time to think about what events are coming up in my husband’s life and what I might do to help his days go more smoothly. However, a car ride to Costco allows me to do just that. I find that I must commit to using this time for that purpose prior to getting in the car; otherwise, it is far too easy to let the time slip away and focus on what I have going on in my life, rather than thinking of how I can bless my husband in what he has going on in his.

Learn

Much like we use the time to make plans, my husband and I can use the time we are in the car together to learn more about each other. Long car rides are especially good for this, as we can share everything from childhood memories to hopes and dreams for the future. However, even a short trip can be beneficial in this regard if we are strategic about our conversations. We may discuss something as mundane as how the work week went, to something more serious like an area that has been a challenge with one of our kids, It is these “learning” conversations that often fuel our subsequent prayer and planning times.

It is easy to think of our driving time merely as time that is spent getting to our next destination However, if we are purposeful with how we use it, it can become so much more. Our marriage can be strengthened, and we can become a better spouse as result of the time we spend praying, learning, and planning as we commute.

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Growth

Not Responsible

Years ago, I took a personality test that was designed to reveal various components of my persona that could be leveraged for professional success. According to this test, one way that I add value to an organization is through “responsibility.” This was not entirely surprising to me as I tend to stay up to date on my tasks and projects. However, what was stated next caused me pause. According to the test results, I had such a high degree of responsibility that I might have the tendency to take on things that weren’t under my purview. In other words, I tended to feel responsible for things that weren’t my responsibility.

While the test may be right and I am inclined to do this in my professional roles, I think this is a tendency that many more people face when it comes to our relationship with God and how we conduct our life. We wrongly think that we are responsible for creating the future we dream of or having the relationships that we desire. Tempted to assume responsibilities that aren’t meant for us, we fret and worry over what the future holds. We may even think that we can manipulate circumstances to ensure that things will turn out the way we want.  Worse yet, we may attempt to manipulate relationships to accomplish the same purpose.

The reality is that God has given us some responsibilities. He has called us to love Him and to love people. However, although these are responsibilities that are explicitly stated, I find that very few Christians are fretting over whether they are doing either of these things most effectively. Instead, we tend to worry about whether we have all the right answers to apologetics questions or whether our evangelism presentation was sufficiently polished. We worry about whether the decision we are making will lead to the future we want, or whether our kids will get every advantage in education or sports. We are anxious about finances, concerned about politics, and uneasy about an unclear future. In other words, we are bearing the burdens of our future instead of trusting it to the God Who is sovereign over all.

The problem with this is not only that we aren’t relying on God (which is a big problem), but that we are creating a myriad of other difficulties by trying to do a job that rightly belongs to Him. We are not equipped to take on these burdens, and when we attempt to do so, miserable failure ensues. And even in the moments when we think we do have some control, it doesn’t usually take long to realize that it was an illusion. If, as Matthew 6:27 states, we can’t add even an hour to our life through worry and fear, what makes us think that it accomplishes anything else?

The really sad thing is that often we convince ourselves that we are doing a good thing when we take on these concerns. “We’re just being prudent,” we say, and being prudent is certainly a virtue that Scripture extols. Or, “I just want things to be as good as they can be” we think, not trusting that God is far wiser in determining what is “good.” Additionally, if our thoughts are consumed with circumstances over which we have no control, than our thoughts aren’t centered on God. Consequently, if our thoughts, and our lives, aren’t centered on God, eventually the futility of trying to control the future will catch up with us, and we will realize we wasted precious time fretting over things we can’t control that we could have spent loving and serving Him And if we continue in our attempts to take on responsibilities that we were never intended to own, we will neglect the responsibilities we do have – to love and honor our Savior and to be a blessing to those He has called us to serve.

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