Relationships

Looking Out

My husband loves sports. I realize that a lot of wives can say that but I think few would find that their husband’s fervor for sports matches his. He can articulately talk about teams and sports that he cares little about, simply because he so enjoys the thrill of competition.

As the wives of sport enthusiasts can tell you, a lot of time can be spent pursuing this passion. (I should also say that my husband is mindful to find the right balance and he has used his love of sports for significant ministry opportunities, so no need to worry – he is keeping the right perspective.) Although I like sports, my threshold for investing in them is far less than what my husband’s is. My interests and inclinations lie elsewhere.

Given this background, it will probably not come as a surprise then that at different points in our marriage there has been some contention regarding my husband’s affection for sports. Normally this is because I feel like something that is interesting to me is being superseded by his affinity for “the game.” Even though my husband has graciously reduced the amount of the time he has invested, and works hard to minimize its impact on our family, selfishly there are still moments where I wish it would be gone completely.

However, I have come to realize that not only was this desire incredibly self-centered, it was also very myopic of me. I was only seeing how my husband’s interest impacted what I wanted; I failed to see how I could bless my husband through it. I  knew it was important to him and even though I may not share the same interest, because it mattered to him, this was an area where I could graciously cede my desires so that he could benefit.

What’s true in this regard, is also true in many other areas. I am quick to identify what is beneficial to me and try to protect myself from what is inconvenient. However, I would be wiser, and more loving, if instead I was on the look out for how I could bless him. In doing so, not only would I show my love for him, but our marriage would more accurately reflect the kind of love that Christ has called us to demonstrate.

What does this mean practically? How can we be on the look out to bless our spouse? Here are some ideas:

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Growth

Make Me Know

Ask most people when they pray, and they will probably say that it is when they have a specific request. Even people who pray regularly often spend a considerable amount of time listing the things that they want or need. This isn’t hard to explain. It is easy to recognize when things aren’t as we wished they were. It is more difficult to recognize how God wants things to be.

Perhaps it is because of this that so often I hear people praying that “God would reveal His will.” Usually this petition comes because the individual has a decision to make and wants to know which path they should choose. When we don’t know where God is leading, we hope that He will provide some sign or inclination that will tell us where we should go.

The interesting thing about this request is that there is no implied commitment on behalf of the petitioner to follow God’s path once it is revealed. People reveal things all the time which don’t prompt us to act. A commercial may reveal a great deal; a friend may reveal her future ambition. In either of these instances, and many more, we may listen and then do nothing. Similarly, when we ask God to reveal His will it may be that we are asking for clarity, but without it, we are unwilling to commit to obey.

Maybe this is why David put the request a little differently. He wrote:

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. – Psalm 25:4-5

Do you see the difference? David asks God to:

  • “Make me know your ways” – He doesn’t just want God to reveal His path; David wants it to deeply resonate within him.
  • “Teach me your paths” – David humbly acknowledges that it is his place to learn what God desires; he could no more demand God’s revelation than he could insist that God make him king
  • “Lead me in your truth” – David expectantly commits to follow where God directs.

And then concludes by stating:

  • “For you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long” – David recognizes that his own timetable is not what’s important; it is God’s timetable that matters. David resolves to wait for God – not asserting his preferences regarding when things will happen, but dedicated to patience as God plans unfold.

The differences may seem subtle, but they are important. Asking God to reveal His will seems to place the focus on how doing so might benefit me. Asking God to “make me know your ways” places the emphasis on God, where it rightly should be.

So the next time we are inclined to ask God to reveal His plans for our life, perhaps instead we should follow the pattern of David and ask God that would make us know His way. In doing so may we recognize that it should be our ambition to know what is important to Him, to pursue wholeheartedly after it, and to commit to follow Him as He, in His good timing, teaches us His path and leads us in His ways.

 

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