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In the early years of our marriage, when I would cook a new dish, I would ask my husband, “how did you like it?” Because my husband is gracious and kind, he would find something positive to say about the meal, regardless of whether it truly struck his fancy.  Recognizing this, I tried a new approach, and started to ask him to rate the meals on a scale of 1 to 5. I figured then I could have a comparative idea of which recipes he liked more. The problem with this tactic was that it was fairly difficult for me to discern between a meal that rated a 3 and meal that rated a 4. How much better was one really over the other? Did a 4 mean it was a meal he could eat five times a week? Or did it simply mean that if he had to choke down something, he would prefer it to be the meal to which he gave the higher rating? It was a conundrum.

Eventually, I landed on the question that I still ask him when I test out a Pinterest find. I ask, “how often would you like to have this meal?” He doesn’t mind answering that question candidly because if he says, “once a month,” he won’t hurt my feelings; I just know it is not something he truly enjoys. If he responds with “every week,” then I am confident we have a winner. Either way, asking the right question has helped us have a more productive conversation. Asking the right question, helps us more readily get on the same page.

At this point, I may sound like I am writing this post to provide marriage advice, but I am truly not. What these dinnertime conversations have helped me realize, however, is that just like asking the right question is important in my relationship with my spouse, it is important in many other situations as well. When we think of the questions we ask from the perspective of the person who is answering them, we can often phrase our questions in such a way that we have a more winsome and helpful conversation. The manner in which we query someone else can either stifle or enhance conversation. And if we really want to know the answer, we should be looking to phrase our question prompts so as to enrich our dialogue, not stop it.

Another arena where this matters is in our evangelism. Too often our evangelistic techniques ask probing questions that raise defenses rather than break down barriers. Perhaps there are situations where it is helpful to say, “If you were to die tonight, do you know what would happen to you?”. But it is just as likely that there are people who would abruptly depart if that is the beginning of our evangelistic endeavors. A thoughtlessly worded question can end the conversation before it is started. And a child of God should never want to engage in a Gospel conversation thoughtlessly.

Therefore, with every evangelistic encounter we have, we should be prayerful about how to have that conversation is such a way that that specific individual will be more open to the truth of the Gospel. Lest I be misunderstood, this doesn’t mean that we alter the Gospel to try to make it more “appealing.” We must be committed to communicating that which is of “first importance” just as Paul did in I Cor. 15. However, I do mean to convey that we should be thoughtful about the fact that the person we are talking to is an individual who is fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God, who has their own experiences and life history, and who may be more open to dialogue based on the manner in which we participate in the conversation. Asking questions in a way that acknowledges this reality, rather than having a one-size-fits-all approach, will likely lead to more productive and more winsome Gospel conversations. 

When we ask someone a question, it should be because we want to hear their response. When we ask questions with care and consideration for who the other person is, we demonstrate our love for them as an image bearer of Christ. Jesus did not present the Gospel in the same way to Nicodemus (John 3) as He did to the woman at the well (John 4). But he did use questions on both occasions. May we follow the example of our Savior, and may we prayerfully ask the right questions that will open the doors for us to have more winsome conversations about Him that many more may trust Him as Lord. 

Most Christians are probably very familiar with the account of Jesus and His disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus, aware of his impending death, goes to a secluded place with His closest followers to pray. As He does so, He instructs His disciples to keep watch and pray, and they fall asleep. Their Savior’s instructions seemingly fell on deafened ears or unwilling hearts. 

When the passage is discussed, much attention is usually paid to the disciples’ slumber and the fact that while the Messiah prayed, they slept. They should have been praying as well; preparing their hearts and minds for the chaos they didn’t see coming. However, as Jerry Bridges reminds us in The Discipline of Grace, there were two aspects of Christ’s command. The disciples were to pray, but they also were to keep watch. They were to do both of these things, so that they didn’t, as Jesus warned, give in to the temptation of sin (Mark 14:38).

The same instructions are pertinent to us if we want to keep ourselves from giving in to sin’s allure. We should pray, bringing our thoughts, concerns, and resolves before God. However, we must also be on the watch; we must be mindful of those situations where we are most likely to fall into temptation so that we may resist sin’s traps. 

For example, perhaps, we tend to get cranky when we are hungry. This might be partially a physiological issue, but it is also a heart one. If we are God’s children, He has given all we need to be hungry, to feel the physiological aspects of that situation, and not sin (see 2 Peter 1:3). If we know that the “hangrys” are a potential pitfall for us, we should prepare our hearts accordingly. When we know we will have a long day and we might not get to enjoy our regular meals, we should ask God to sustain us. If the situation is unexpected, we should still be quick to turn to God in prayer. Instead of trying to maintain our good attitude all on our own, or instead of using our growling stomach as an excuse to sin, when we first can tell that we are tempted to a short temper, we should turn to God. We stay on the watch for where sin may easily grab a foothold in our lives, and before it does so, we bring that circumstance to our Heavenly Father, asking Him to give us all we need to glorify Him. 

This may seem like a small example, and perhaps it is, but my experience is that for many people it is the “small” temptations that are challenging to resist. I would guess that most committed Christians are not going to be tempted to go out and rob a store, but far too many are quick to be selfish when they are feeling overwhelmed. We have built safeguards in our lives to prevent us from falling into the most notorious sins, but we aren’t as watchful when it comes to the socially acceptable ones. The disciples probably didn’t think it was such a big deal if they rested, but how might their response to Jesus’ arrest and conviction been different if they had spent the preceding moments praying instead of sleeping? For big and little temptations, we need to be on guard. We must watch for how evil is trying to persuade us, and we must bring those thoughts, inclinations, and temptations to God, asking for His Spirit to give us the power to turn from sin’s seduction and instead to be devoted to words, thoughts and deeds that glorify our Father above. 

Beloved child of God – may we look at the disciples’ example and realize that we too are quick to be lured into apathy, and we don’t pray as we ought, because we aren’t being watchful like we ought. Instead, may we prayerfully be on guard for anything that may lead us away from God’s good path, and instead of falling into sin’s trap, may we steadfastly follow where our Savior leads.