Relationships

In Defense of Nice

Recently I’ve had the awkward experience of someone assuming that I “liked” one of my guy friends. Not knowing the person well, I couldn’t set the record straight, although it did make me wonder why the thought would have entered their mind. In sharing with another friend, he wisely said, “maybe she just doesn’t know that you’re nice to everybody and so she thinks it means something.” I agreed and shrugged my shoulders. What else could I do? It’s not a situation that I’m totally unfamiliar with and through the years I’ve learned it’s easier to roll with it rather than defend my intentions.

What’s been impressed on my heart even more recently though is that while people may think I’m nice, I’m not sure I’m very good at sharing the motivations behind it. Even some of my best friends just think, “well that’s Natalie, she’s a nice person”, which while I wish were true, I also recognize is horribly inaccurate. I’m not a nice person. I’m selfish, and a little too independent, and can be as stubborn as all get out. Who I am is a sinner, who, through God’s saving grace, is hopefully developing a regenerate heart that more accurately reflects His love and His goodness each and every day. Its not that I’m nice – it’s that God’s been so gracious to me, I’m compelled to share His goodness with others.

I haven’t figured out how to more accurately conveyed this since I’m one of those people who show love through actions rather than words. But maybe knowing more clearly in my own mind why I am nice will help me share this motivation with others. And then maybe my reflection of Christ’s love will shine a little brighter as a result.

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Relationships

Church-Going Folk

One of my favorite things to do is to learn about people’s perceptions of me. I think its because we all tend to think that we’re projecting a certain image and than we are startled when we find out that what people think of us could be very different from that. In the past, this would bother me but I’ve learned its just part of the beauty of human relationships. Our self-perceptions are always distorted – we might as well deal with it.

I was reminded of this recently when someone expressed surprised that I regularly attended church. As someone who often attends church multiple times a week it was amusing to have someone think that I was an infrequent attender. Their logic was that I probably would be frustrated by the politics and insincerity that plaques many church gatherings therefore my response would be to be someone who visits church rather than participate.

The truth is that there is a bunch of insincerity and politics that make going to church less than ideal. Church, in fact, has become a cultural ritual rather than a community of like-minded followers. And while I recognize this divergence from the model, I also recognize that they let me come to church and I have plenty of my own baggage that other people choose to deal with. It seems hypocritical of me not to be willing to deal with theirs.

The other truth is that, like many things in life, we derive the value out of attending church that we ascribe to it. The church is definitely made up of a bunch of sinners – but that’s what makes it great – we all stand equal in front of a Holy God. By investing in relationships, by worshiping corporately we learn more about what God’s intentions are. And while these might be different from our perceptions, at least we are then more fully prepared for our final Home.

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