The One Thing Your Kid Needs to Know Before College

As a college professor, I often am asked for my perspective when a friend’s child is getting ready to navigate the college application process. These are big moments in a young adult’s life, and as recent news has revealed, some parents are willing to go to great lengths to help their son or daughter realize their collegiate dreams (or perhaps, the dreams their parents hold for them). When asked, I always try to provide whatever insight I may have, although generally it is not much more than they could get from reading the instructions on the university’s website. Still, it seems to provide some comfort to hear from someone who is daily immersed in the college experience, and I am happy to encourage them as they start the journey.

Although I am willing to share what I have learned with parents about to launch their kids into university, it’s not the question I want to be asked. Instead, I wish that I was more frequently asked how to help ensure that the child is ready for college. Making a college selection is just one part of the process; the bigger, and often more neglected piece, is making sure that they are ready for the challenges and opportunities that college holds. If you make a college decision but aren’t prepared for the college experience, there is little value in having navigated the application process successfully. Setting your kid up for success in college is more important than having the right introductory essay.

As of yet, nobody has asked me that question, But should they do so – this is what I would share: the most important thing that you can teach your child before they leave home is the truth of the Gospel. This means that they need to not only understand the fact that Jesus died and rose from the dead for the sake of their sins, but they need to understand the reasons why that is “good news.”  Additionally, your high school graduate should know why you believe in the Gospel, the historical and archeological evidence in support of the Christian faith, and what other belief systems teach about eternity and how it differs from what Scripture teaches. Send your student to college with a clear understanding of what the Bible teaches, what that means for their life, and how to appropriately contend for their faith. Even if you are sending them to a Christian school, don’t relegate this most fundamental aspect of their education to someone else.

I would like to think that everything I have written above is readily accepted by Christian parents. In fact, when I originally started this post, I was going to write about something totally different, assuming that teaching our children the Gospel would be so self-evident that it didn’t need to be stated. However, after over a decade in higher education, I have found that it most assuredly does need to be explicit: if you send your child to college without a firm foundation in the Word of God, you are doing them a disservice. Many of them will be exposed to ways of thinking and lifestyles that they haven’t previously considered. When they are outside of your house, you will not be able to counter every false doctrine that they hear. Help them understand the reasons for the faith while they live under your roof. This won’t guarantee that they will walk with God, as ultimately that is the result of the Holy Spirit’s work on their life. But it does mean that you have helped them realize the futility of chasing things that have no eternal value. In other words, you are giving them every chance for college to be a success – not only preparing them for their future career but, more importantly, preparing them for a lifetime of service to God.

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The Purposeful Drive: As A Spouse

As I previously wrote about, one of my goals is to use the time I spend in the car in beneficial and intentional ways. It is far too easy to think of the car time as inconsequential and therefore to fritter it away. One of my priorities when I drive is to use the time to invest in and strengthen my marriage. Here’s how. 

Prayer

Spending extended time in prayer in the car may seem odd to some, but for me it is a great opportunity to consider what my husband has going on that day and to ask for God’s wisdom and grace to infiltrate his life. If I know he has an important meeting or a difficult conversation, I will pray specifically for God to work in those circumstances. My time in the car is also a great opportunity for me to reflect on the type of spouse that I am and to ask God for His help in specific areas that I know could use improvement. During these times of reflection, God has graciously shown me ways in which I have sinned and have not shown the kind of sacrificial love to my spouse that is reflective of the love Christ has demonstrated to me. Many prayers of repentance and requests for help in my sanctification have been uttered in the car.

It is not only when I am by myself that I pray for my husband. I also strive to pray for my husband with my kids. This not only helps them see their father in a different light, but it also helps me demonstrate to them a vital practice that I hope they adopt someday – intentional and specific prayers for their spouse.

Plan

My husband and I live full lives and sometimes the time we spend driving to date nights are our first solid moments of interrupted time in a given week. Because my personal preference is not to spend date night on logistical or administrative issues, we will often do this on the drive to where we are going. We will talk about upcoming family events or budgeting adjustments we need to make. I know other couples who prefer more dedicated time to have these discussions, but for us, unless it is some out of the ordinary or extremely significant, our date night drives are a great time to plan. 

I also find it helpful to use the time in the car to plan how I might be more of a help and a blessing to my spouse. In the busyness of the day, sometimes it is difficult to take time to think about what events are coming up in my husband’s life and what I might do to help his days go more smoothly. However, a car ride to Costco allows me to do just that. I find that I must commit to using this time for that purpose prior to getting in the car; otherwise, it is far too easy to let the time slip away and focus on what I have going on in my life, rather than thinking of how I can bless my husband in what he has going on in his.

Learn

Much like we use the time to make plans, my husband and I can use the time we are in the car together to learn more about each other. Long car rides are especially good for this, as we can share everything from childhood memories to hopes and dreams for the future. However, even a short trip can be beneficial in this regard if we are strategic about our conversations. We may discuss something as mundane as how the work week went, to something more serious like an area that has been a challenge with one of our kids, It is these “learning” conversations that often fuel our subsequent prayer and planning times.

It is easy to think of our driving time merely as time that is spent getting to our next destination However, if we are purposeful with how we use it, it can become so much more. Our marriage can be strengthened, and we can become a better spouse as result of the time we spend praying, learning, and planning as we commute.

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