nawinter.com

I have yet to meet a Christian parent who doesn’t pray for their kids. Of course, we all probably wished we prayed more frequently and more diligently, but if they weren’t convinced of the need for purposeful prayer prior to a child’s arrival, a little one’s debut is usually more than sufficient to prompt parents to their knees. It is an awesome responsibility as well as a marvelous privilege to be entrusted with the life of another. When we are committed to parenting in a manner that glorifies God and points our children to Him, it doesn’t take much to realize that on our own, we are insufficient to the task. We need to pray for ourselves as we parent, and we need to pray for our kids – that our hearts and theirs may be inclined towards the Savior. 

For many of us, the urgency of prayer intensifies as we encounter the challenges of our child’s personality. We experience the strong will of our kid, and we ask God to make them meek. We see our child who is full of energy, and we request that God helps calm them down. We witness our tenderhearted child get hurt, and we petition our Heavenly Father to protect them from future pain. 

These are, of course, very understandable and valid reasons for bringing our children before the throne room of God in prayer. However, it may be that the tenor of these prayers often focuses on what we would change in regard to our kids, rather than praying that God’s will would be done in their lives. Instead of making requests that focus primarily on what we desire for our children, we would do well to primarily pray that they become who God desires them to be. Our prayers should reflect the recognition that He has fearfully and wonderfully created them (Ps. 139:14); what we may see as challenges may be the character traits that God will use for His Kingdom’s purpose. Of course, we should never excuse our children’s sins because of their proclivities. However instead of praying in ways that would make their lives or our parenting easier, we should pray that God would conform their hearts, minds, and wills into the image of His Son. Our prayers should reflect a trust that God knew what He was doing when He designed our child with their specific attributes and personality; rather than asking God to change them so that parenting is less of a challenge, we should pray that God would refine them to more fully reflect His Son.

Perhaps some examples would be helpful. If we see tenacity in our kids, instead of praying that God would remove it, it may be better to pray that they become tenacious for His truth. If our kids are inclined towards silliness, we may pray that God would use their humor to build friendships that would bring others to Him. If they are creative, we can ask that God would use their artistry to show others their ultimate Creator. And if they are tenderhearted, instead of praying that God would make them more resilient to pain, we can pray that He would use their gentleness to love others as our Savior does. We should ask God to mold our kids into what He desires, rather than praying that He would shape them into what we want. As we do so, we may not only discover that we are increasingly thankful for how God has designed our kids, but we may also find that we are more inclined to trust how God is working in their lives to make them more like Him. 

Praying this way, though requires intentionality. Rather than praying solely from our perspective, we must increasingly ask to see our children how our Heavenly Father sees them. We must identify the traits and characteristics that God has given them – both  the ones we appreciate  and the ones that challenge us – and be thoughtful in asking that God would use them strategically for His Kingdom’s purposes. We must be mindful about recognizing the temptations that our child is prone to give into and ask that God would strengthen them to resist. Lastly, we should pray that God would equip us to encourage and exhort our kids on the path He has set before them, desiring that their lives increasingly conform to that of His Son’s that they may be used to draw many more people to Him. 

It is easy to pray that God would work in our kids to make the parenting task easier and our lives how we want them. It is harder to pray that God would have His way with our kids, when we know His ways are not our own, just as His thoughts are higher than ours (Is 55:8-9). God may not use our children how we expect or plan, but we must trust them to His loving care. When we pray for God’s will in their lives rather than our own, we display our confidence that the path that He designed for them may at times be difficult, but it is also good. And as their parent there should be no greater desire than that our kids would follow where our good God leads. 

When I first became a mom, I would often tell people how sanctifying parenting is. From the earliest days of functioning with little sleep and refusing to let that be an excuse to sin, to the toddler years where you begin to see your own unrighteous tendencies copied by the tiny people in your home, being a parent teaches you a lot about how selfish you are, how selfless you can be, and what it means to lay down your life for the sake of another. Many people talk about how having children provides you with a whole new perspective on love, and it is true, but it also quickly reveals what true love costs, and how reluctant we can be to pay that price, sometimes even for our own kids. 

As my parenting years have increased, I have learned a few other things about how God uses the kids He entrusts to us for His good purposes. One of the ways that He uses our parenting is that as our kids go out into the world, they are showcases of what we have taught them at home. Of course, this is not intended to imply that our children perfectly follow every instruction we give them once they leave our doors (and we certainly can attest that they do not do so within the walls of our house.) But when our kids are interacting with other people, they display what they have learned about how to treat others, how to respond to difficulties and what are the most important things in life. Their lives – in big and small ways- testify to what we have taught them. Our desire should be that their lives reflect a home that is committed to love God and others well. 

And we should be quick to recognize that if their lives reflect this they are going to stand apart from other kids. Young hearts that have been trained to treat others with kindness and respect, who are encouraged to prefer others over themselves, and who have seen modeled self-control rather than lack of it, are going to be different from their peers. That difference gives us an opportunity. Other parents will notice that our kids are not the same as others, and they will ask us about it. When this occurs, we should be quick to point them to Jesus and the Truth of God’s Word as the foundation of our lives. We should be ready to testify that it is not the latest life hack or parenting blog that enables us to parent as we do, but the grace of God in our lives.  We should use the observations about our parenting (and our kids) to showcase God’s goodness, and not to highlight the admirable qualities of our children. It is His kindness and mercy that gave us the kids we have, and any good that we do in parenting is attributable to Him alone. We should embrace that and be quick to acknowledge it to others. 

When someone compliments our kids, we may be tempted to brush it off, to beam with pride, or to use it as an opportunity to agree with their observation. Precious saints – let’s recognize that instead, we should be prepared to use it as an opportunity for the Gospel. People may want to know about our parenting techniques, but they need to know about Jesus. Let us be prepared to turn the attention to Him, to use our parenting as an opportunity to showcase the love and grace of our Heavenly Father that many more people may become His kids.