When I was a kid, my family and I moved from the South (of the United States) to Southern California. My parents were pretty uncertain about the move, but as the United States Marine Corp had ordered it, across the country we went.
There was a lot to get used to in our new state and one of the most surprising was the difference in how kids addressed adults. My parents had always taught us that the proper way to interact with a grown-up was to call them by their title (Dr., Ms. Mr., Mrs. etc.) and then their last name. Any other method of address was considered impudent in their home state, but in our new locale, kids calling adults by their first name happened with regular frequency. It was a shock to my parents and, coupled with the fact that we also said “yes sir” or “yes ma’am” to any authority figure, it made my sister and I stand out in social settings.
The point in all this isn’t to spark a debate on how kids should address adults, but to acknowledge the fact that from a young age I was very aware of the fact that it matter how I talked to those around me. And according to my upbringing, one way that I could show respect is by addressing people by their proper name.
Just as it matters how I talk to those around me, it also matters how I talk about those whom God has placed in my life. Far too often, it is easy to give in to the temptation to gossip; a conversation that starts off innocently enough can quickly disintegrate into discussing the perceived shortcomings of other people. This should not surprise us; Proverbs warns us of the fact of how deceptively sweet gossip can appear to our fleshly inclinations (Proverbs 26:22). Andin a culture where they literally make “gossip shows” and exalt a character called “Gossip Girl,” there is little in our surroundings that will constrain us.
However, one way that I have found effective for increasingly resisting the temptation to gossip is to be very aware of whenever I say someone’s given name. This is a helpful reminder because gossip, by definition, happens behind someone else’s back. If I am saying someone’s name, it increases the odds that they are not present. (When we are talking about the person we are talking to, we usually use second-person pronouns – not their given name). Because I am talking about someone who is not there, I want to be extra cautious that the words I am saying would be edifying to them if they were present. When I say someone’s proper name, I want to be building them up – not tearing them down. Saying or hearing someone’s name becomes a way to police myself – is the conversation something that would give grace to the person if they were to appear? Is the conversation giving grace to those who are hearing it now?
This is by no means intended to imply that I am perfect in this regard. There are still times where I look back on conversations and I have said something I wish I hadn’t, and times when I must seek forgiveness for my attitude and words towards other people. However, this little “trick” has been helpful to me in redirecting or exiting conversations when it seems that they are going astray. Uttering someone’s name is a way to check myself before I go down a trail of gossip and careless words.
There is a reason that Scripture so often warns us of the power of our tongue and how destructive words rashly spoken can be. We are commanded to “let no corrupting talk” (Eph. 4:29) come out of our mouths and this includes the way we speak about other people. The degree to which we police our words will be helpful in ensuring that we obey this command. May we increasingly check ourselves when we hear someone’s name, being careful that the words we say or the conversation we engage in builds up the one we are talking to and whomever we are talking about.
