Relationships

5 Questions A Girl Should Ask

Recently, I read this article about questions that every guy should ask about his date.  It got me thinking – what are the questions every girl should ask? Here are five:

1) Does he truly love God? – Just like the author of the article states, this means more than just finding someone at church. There’s a difference between someone who says that they are a Christian, and someone who is a Christian. If “Christian” is a label and not a lifestyle than that is not someone who truly loves God. You need to ask – “Is God their number one priority – even over me?” This is critical for a lasting relationship that reflects God’s design.

2) Do I trust him? – And to really expand on that question, it’s “Do I trust him…with my life?” I had a friend who knew that she trusted her one-day husband because she would fall asleep in the car while he was driving. This was an indication to her that this was someone who she could trust her life with.  A relationship where you are constantly questioning the other person’s decision, isn’t a relationship that’s worth being in. You need to ask yourself “Would I want this person to make decisions about my life?” Because sooner or later, their decisions will affect your life.

3) Does he cherish me? – It’s easy these days to talk about love. The problem is that we say we love everything from peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to the person that we’re married to. Because the definition of love has become so convoluted, I like to use the word cherish. Does the guy treasure you? Is he looking after your best interests? Does he care about you enough to tell you when you’re making a mistake or does he just let you do it? Your guy should want to protect you, to keep you from harm, because he recognizes that a woman who loves God is more precious than a rare jewel.

4) Where is he going? …and do I want to go there? Everyone is going somewhere. If you’re going to be in a relationship with this guy, than you’ll end up on the same path that he is. Is that a path you want to be on? We tend to think that those things will work themselves out as we are in a relationship, but they rarely do. If someone is walking a path (or if they aren’t walking anywhere), that says something about who that person is. Recognize that how he lives his life will inevitably influenced how your life is lived. Is he heading in a direction that you want to head?

5) Do I want to change him? – If you enter a relationship thinking “this is a great guy, except for X,Y, and Z”  – you have to wonder is that really the guy for you? People will change as relationships grow and time passes on, but if you’re starting a relationship with the idea that you want the person to be someone other than he is, than why don’t you find the guy that you want him to be instead? It’d be better to be like the movie Jerry Maguire in which Renee Zellweger’s character says about Jerry, “I love him for the man that he is and the man he wants to become.” It’s good for a guy to want to grow, and you should encourage that. But at the same time, you need to love him for who he is now, not the person you’re hoping to mold him into being.

I often tell people that, after my salvation in Christ, my husband is the best thing to happen to me.  While there are many reasons for this, a lot of them have to do with the fact that our relationship had the right answers to the above questions. I hope that more relationships can say the same.

What do you think? What other questions should you ask about your date?

 

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Relationships

My Favorite Valentine’s

When I was six years old, as part of his military service, my dad was stationed in Japan. We had moved to California the year before, and looking back, I’m amazed at how my mom handled all the transitions. As a little first grader though, I supposed I hadn’t lived long enough to realize that all of these changes in a short period of time were a little out of the ordinary. So I just rolled with the punches, and waited for my dad to come home.

Thankfully, my dad’s time away didn’t keep him from celebrating any of the major holidays with us. He did, however, miss Valentine’s Day. I still remember my feeling of wonderment when someone came to the door and delivered flowers to my mom and red balloons to me and my sister. Each balloon pictured a rabbit holding a bouquet and above it, some message of affection.  I was thrilled. Even from far away, my daddy was thinking of me and sending me his love.

It meant all the more because it was sort of an unusual gesture for my dad. See, my dad loved all his girls, and was more expressive than most guys with his words of affection. But, he was also pragmatic. Normally, he would have been more inclined to take us out for a fun day filled with lasting memories, then to give us a mylar balloon that would quickly deflate. But since distance and the 13 time zones that separated us prevented that, he did what he could to make sure we knew we were loved.

The ironic thing is that although my dad wasn’t prone to giving “disposable” gifts because of their relatively short shelf life, I kept that balloon for years.  It was a poignant reminder of my daddy’s love. And my life was filled with such reminders. Tokens of affection, moments of instruction, and time spent together that let me know my dad considered his relationship with me an important one.

When my dad passed away, numerous people came up to my sister and I after the service to tell us that they hope that when they died, their children would say half of the good things that we said about our dad. I remember distinctly thinking, “You can still make that happen.” They still had the opportunity to purposefully and intentionally show their children their love. That’s what my daddy did. Whether it was with a rabbit holding a bouquet of flowers, or through always having a listening ear, he lived a life of love. And it was because of that intentional way of living, that when he passed away, everyone, from co-workers to family to friends, knew what was important to him. After all, Jesus made it very clear that people would know we are His by how we love. And what was most important to my dad, was to be Christ’s kid.

So whether it’s Valentine’s Day or a “normal day” may we all purposefully look for ways to show love. And in doing so, may we do what my dad did – give other people reminders and memories to hang on to so that they can have confidence that they are loved. Not only by us, but most importantly, by their Father above.

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