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In the beginning of relationship, you tend to remember every little milestone.

The first date, the first kiss, the first “I love you.”

As time marches on, however, we tend to forget. It’s hard to remember the first date, when you’re on you’re 100th. Or the first kiss, when you’ve have so many more. The significance of the milestones seem to fade, and with them, perhaps the meaning behind the once-special and now-routine moments we share.

It’s not something that’s unique to romantic relationships. After all, throughout Scripture, God commands His people to “remember” – to remember what He has done for them; to remember how He has demonstrated His love; to remember the moments that He has proven Himself time and time again. In doing so, in remembering His faithfulness of the past, we are often strengthened to face the future.

And the same principle applies to personal relationships. In holding the memories of the past close, we can fully see not only how far we’ve have come, but dwell on the path that we’ve trod to get there. In doing so, we are reminded of the love, affection and faithfulness that we have benefited from along the way.

I thought of this as my husband and I celebrated our engage-iversary. You may have never heard of that before but it’s quite simply the anniversary of the date we got engaged. Every year we acknowledge it. Some years in significant ways; other years by simply reflecting on it. Either way, we remind each other of the date because in remembering it, we are brought back to that wonderful day when he asked me to be his wife, and I answered “yes.” As we celebrate that date, we ask and answer all over again.

We also celebrate our date-iversary – the anniversary of our first date –  for similar reasons. While it seem cheesy to some, we always make note of it, for we can see not only how our love began, but the miles it has grown since that first dinner at Chili’s. In reflecting on that day, our gratitude for each other and for how God has molded us increases, and we appreciate the innocence and excitement of a first date as well as the blessings of all our time since then.

This is how we remember. We remember dates. For others, it may be different. For my dad, it was telling stories of how he sang to my mom, and how she sent him brownies and cards during his deployments. The “how” isn’t important, it’s the remembering that matters. Because in remembering, not only do you reflect on the past, your gratitude for the present grows, and you are strengthened for your future.

Like most girls, when I was younger, I could list the things that I wanted in a guy. Some of these things were important, some of them weren’t. Hopefully, the older and more mature I got the list was filled more with important things than unimportant ones.

However, now that I’m married, I find that one of the best gifts God has given me is a husband who I can use as an example of the type of guy a girl should marry. I can say, “You’re not sure what type of man God as for you? You should look for a guy like this” and describe who my husband is.  This isn’t to say that our marriage is perfect, no marriage is, but it is far better than I could have hoped for or imagined. One of the primary reasons for this is because of the wonderful man that I get to call my husband. What I’ve learned is that if you’re married to the type of guy that you would tell young women to marry, than that’s a pretty good thing, and what I tell them is that they should look for:

• A Guy That Loves You Like This – One of the best things about my husband is the manner in which he loves me. I know that must sound selfish, but I’m blessed to be married to a guy that takes my burden as his own, who strives to protect me from both physical and emotional hurt, and who wants for me to be happy. These are wonderful things to look for in a relationship.

• A Guy that Leads Like This – Not only does my husband love me well, but he leads well because he leads with his eyes firmly focused on Christ. Because of this, he’s looking towards the “big picture’ and not the temporary annoyances of today. Obviously, I benefit from this, but I’m not the only one. Wherever he goes, this is how he leads – humbly, with his heart fixed on our King. 

• A Guy that Serves Like This – Although my husband is a great leader, he is perhaps an even greater servant. Because his leadership is Christ-focused, so is his service. I don’t know if I have ever witnessed my husband be concerned about the personal cost of his service. He is always willing to go the extra mile and spend the extra time, because he knows that the manner in which he serves, as well as the service itself, is reflective of our Lord.  He serves well, which motivates me to serve well also.

• A Guy who Loves Christ Like This – My husband is able to love, lead and serve well because of his love for Christ. As has hopefully been shown above this is his primary focus – loving Christ in a manner that it dominates every other area of his life. There aren’t many ways to predict how a marriage will turn out, but marrying a guy who loves Christ well (and loving Christ well yourself) is an unbeatable foundation to build on.

It’s hard to always discern what to look for in a spouse; it’s hard to know what will matter in 20, 30, 40 years. While we haven’t gotten there yet, I believe all these things will. And it’s a magnificent blessing to be married to someone that you can point to and say, “look for a guy like this.”