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(Author’s Note – a few weeks ago, I wrote a series of posts on relationships. As I wrote at the time, the response was more than I expected, and I realized that perhaps this is because our relationships affect every aspect of our life. So I’ve decided, as much as I’m able, to dedicate Thursday’s posts to relationships. They won’t all be about dating, although some will. Some will be about marriage, and some will be about other important relationships. My hope is that they are encouraging –  for those who are in godly relationships that they would spur us on to an even purer reflection of God’s love; for those who aren’t – that they would direct hearts to seek the type of relationships that honor God. I hope you enjoy!)

A few weeks ago while talking to a friend, I realized that I had met and married by husband in the span of 13 months.

Now this isn’t the fastest courtship on record, but for someone who plans as much as I do, it was a departure from convention.

I had never expected that I would date a guy for 5 months and then 5 and 1/2 months later marry him.

Yet I did. And it’s a testament to the type of man that my husband is that I was willing to take this leap.

The best part is I was completely surprised by my husband’s affection for me. I don’t write that in a self-deprecating way, what I mean is that it wasn’t expected. Unlike previous relationships, there weren’t months of flirtation and wondering what it all means. There wasn’t plotting and planning on my part to try to decipher the inner workings of the male mind. There wasn’t even the awkward time where everyone’s wondering if we were just friends.

He asked me out. I said yes. And the rest, as they say, is history.

And I’ve learned to really appreciate this about our relationship because it wasn’t tainted by so much of the drama that often occurs when a relationship begins.

But what I’ve also learned is that being surprised by love isn’t a one-time occurrence. It’s something that should happen throughout our relationships. And here are a few ways that I think it can:

1. Do small favors – So many of us like to think that we would make grand gestures for those that we love, and perhaps we would. However, most of us, aren’t willing to accede to the small, ordinary requests that they may have. Does your husband want to watch a basketball game while your favorite television show is on? Let him. Does your girlfriend want you go to her best friend’s birthday party? Go. Neither of these things are significant in and of themselves, but they demonstrate how significant the other person is to you.

2. Go The Distance – It’s common that when you hear about someone who’s been married for a long time, to marvel at the longevity in their relationship.  That’s because in this day and age a love that last a lifetime is a rarity. Being surprised by love isn’t just about persevering until “death do us part” but that’s an aspect of us. Startle people with your commitment to your spouse. Amaze them with the fact that the number of days you’re together has grown rather than atrophied your love. They’ll admire it, and your spouse, knowing that in you are in it for the long haul, will appreciate it more than words can express.

3. Be the Cheerleader – One of the best ways to be surprised by love is to have someone cheer you on even when there’s not much to cheer about. My husband is the best at this.  On days when I’m crabby, and not the best representation of Christ’s love, he tells me I’m great. And he means it. It’s not said in a patronizing, just to keep me happy kind of way; even when I’m less than ideal, he loves me. And trust me, that’s always a pleasant surprise.

4. Be the First to Forgive – When you first enter a relationship you’re quick to mend fences. Over time that inclination can fade. If you want to surprise your loved one, forgive them first. Regardless of who’s wrong (and for most arguments in a good relationship, there’s blame on both sides), be the one who offers forgiveness first, even, perhaps especially, if they don’t “deserve” it.

It’s a wonderful thing to be surprised by love, to unexpectedly have the wonderful gift of a godly person who cares for you. It’s even better to continue to be surprised by love as you share life together.

Author’s Note – To view the other posts in this series, click here and here).

Any time you have a discussion about dating, inevitably the subject of waiting for the right guy comes up. After all, as Ross learned in an episode of Friends, little girls have been planning their wedding days since they were four years old. By the time you are in your 20’s that wait seems like a lifetime, and I guess, in reality, it has almost been one.

I got married when I was 28, and although I didn’t (and still don’t) consider that “old,” I know that for some girls that seems like an ancient age to get married. And I heard every piece of advice imaginable about how I could “speed up” that process. However, I never understood that. If I was waiting for the guy that God had planned for me, why should I be anxious if He hadn’t brought him to me yet? There had to be a reason and so it seemed unreasonable to compare my circumstances to other people who may have gotten married earlier in life. After all, I didn’t want the guy that they had married. I wanted the guy that God had planned for me.

However, all that being said, I believe that there are (at least) three things that we should do while we wait:

1. Pray…. a lot. – I think my parents starting praying for the guy that I would one day marry right around the time that I was born. I was a little slower on the uptake. However, pray for him I did. I find that so many young ladies are praying that God would bring someone into their lives, that they forget to actually pray for that person. Ask that God would be drawing your future husband to Himself. Plead that God would be central in his life. Pray that God would be working in him to make him the man that you need. These are all important considerations. Yet, often time we wait until after we’ve found the person that we “think” is the one to bring these petitions before God. Why not do it on the front end?

2. Ask yourself the 5 questions. As I wrote about previously, there are at least five questions that a girl should be asking herself as she prepares to one day be married. Be prepared for marriage is no easy (or quick) task. If God hasn’t brought your spouse to you yet, get started on making sure you truly love Him, that you are prepared to trust, sacrifice and accept the responsibility of marriage, and that you are practicing showing respect. Trust me when I say it is much better to get these things in place before you’ve found the special someone, rather than developing them after the fact.

3.  Do what you’ve been called to – So many times I talk to girls who are waiting for Mr. Right, and all they’re doing is exactly that – waiting around until God brings them someone and then letting that person determine the course of their lives. If God hasn’t brought you someone yet, He’s not wasting that time – and neither should you. You need to be figuring out how God wants you to use this season where you have “minimal” relational responsibilities. Don’t think that when the guy comes around that’s the time to figure out how God wants to use you. He wants to use you now. Get busy doing His work.

Waiting is rarely easy. But when it comes to marriage, it’s important to wait until God brings you the one He’s designed for you. And that until then, you’re doing what you can to be prepared for His “good and perfect gift.”