Relationships

A Model Spouse

Years ago there were TV ads by Nike that featured Michael Jordan and encouraged viewers to try to be like the NBA legend, starting with wearing the same shoes as he did. It was a popular commercial at the height of his celebrity, and it had a strong appeal. After all, people recognized that if you want to be like someone the first thing to do is the same things they are doing.

The same lesson is often applied in reverse. As a leader, one of the first things you learn is to do what you say and to say what you do. You quickly understand that your followers will emulate how you act, not simply acquiesce to what you command. Therefore, if you want a certain behavior to take hold, then you need to start doing it. Your followers will soon conform, and in the process become more like you.

While this is a significant thing to consider when it comes to organizational leadership, perhaps it is even more worthy of consideration when it comes to our marriages. One of the things I most appreciate about my husband is that he is the type of person that I desire to resemble more. As he leads our small family, as he serves in the church, as he works unto the Lord, he displays characteristics that I wish were more true of me. And this is a good thing. Because just as “bad company corrupts good character” (I Cor. 15:33), good company has the reverse effect (Prov. 13:20). And there’s no one that I’m in the company of more than my spouse.

This, however, brings up two additional considerations. The first is this –  if you aren’t yet married, as you consider perspective mates, are you thinking about whether or not they are the type of person that you would like to become? Without fail, we begin to emulate the behaviors and tendencies of those we associate most with. Is your perspective spouse someone that you would aspire to be like? If not, than in all likelihood, they are not a spouse that God desires for you. After all, God desires for us to become more holy, more like Him. If the person we want to marry would detract from this purpose, than they are likely not God’s best for our lives.

The second thing to consider is, for those who are married – am I acting in such a way that I would want my spouse to emulate? Regardless of how final decisions are reached in the home, there are probably at least some areas in each of our relationships where one of us has more experience, more natural proclivities, more history, or more knowledge – whether it’s decorating the home or deciding which car to purchase. As we engage in these things, are we acting in such a way that as our spouse “learns” from us, we hope that they will act the same? In other words, are we being the type of person that a godly spouse could rightly desire to become more like?

Because, for better or worse,  they will.

 

Now it’s your turn….who do you know that’s done a good job of being a “model” spouse? How did that effect their marriage?

 

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Relationships

Too Many “I’m Sorry’s”?

Several weeks ago I heard on the radio that the average male says “I’m sorry” 1.9 million times during their lives. If you assume an average life expectancy of 75 years, that means that he’s apologizes approximately sixty-nine times a day! And considering that he probably didn’t speak for some portion of his early life, that figure is probably even higher. At the end of their lives, it would seem that most guys are accomplished apologizers.

Now some of my readers may be thinking that there are some guys in their lives who should be apologizing a little more. Others, may be thinking the reason for the excessive count is that there are guys with a lot to apologize for. And perhaps both of these factions are right. However,  I can’t help but think that for some it is more than that.  Perhaps the reason that they are apologizing so much is because they’re being told they should. Perhaps an “I’m sorry” is just the conditioned response to the criticism that they receive.

Here’s what I’ve mean. If you have ever watched the TV show “The King of Queens” you’ll hear the main character, Doug, apologizing a lot. It’s not unique to this show; quite a few television programs feature a man who is constantly being corrected and reprimanded (usually by their wife, but not always.)  In “The King of Queens” you quickly get the impression that the apology isn’t a sincere acknowledgment of something that is done wrong, but is instead a strategic way to cut off a potential argument. Doug’s wife, Carrie, is constantly telling Doug all that he is doing wrong. “I’m sorry” is the quickest way to move the discussion on to something else.

But here’s the thing, if you watch the show for any length of time you realize that while Doug is lovable, funny and a bit of a clown, you don’t really see him as a strong character. We might want our men to, as one writer recently put it, “Step it up and be men”, to “Fight. Do the hard work” but if it’s hard to stand tall if you’re constantly being cut down.

This isn’t to say a person shouldn’t apologize. When they’ve done something wrong – they certainly should. But doing some “wrong” and doing something different than the way that I would do it are two entirely different things. And unfortunately many of us often confuse the two.

Scripture has something to say about this. Proverbs 12:16 tells us that “the vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.” Yet it is easy to treat this verse as if it says the opposite – that a  fool ignores an insult, and the prudent let their vexation be known at once. We’re concerned with getting what is rightfully “ours” – whether it’s an apology or things being done our way – and we neglect to realize the impact of our constant complaints. We neglect to realize that if we’re always offended, we’re likely rarely encouraging.

Instead, perhaps  if we were a little more prudent, if we were willing to overlook the minor grievances and inconveniences, there would be the need for a few less apologies. But the few that there are, would be a lot more meaningful.

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