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I like to read. A lot. And despite the fact that I read pretty voraciously, I know of only one book of which I got past the first page and never completed. In the same way, I think I can name ever movie that I started and didn’t see the end. One because it wasn’t funny, another because it was somewhat offensive and still another because the movie reel broke and I was too cheap to use my free ticket to see the same movie and find out how it ended. (One caveat – I know how Dumb and Dumber ends, but I’ve never seen it completely, a fact that some find mildly disturbing).

Similarly, I am pretty good at completing things outside of the world of entertainment. If there’s a task to be done, I’m your gal. A decision needs to be made? No problem. A meal that needs to be cooked, fire up the grill! In short, if there’s a goal that I’ve set, more likely than not, I’ll accomplish it.

Despite my desire for closure in most areas of my life, I hate good-byes. I’m the type of person who will start to avoid someone when I know they’re leaving. Many times I’ve driven former boyfriends crazy by making them stay on the phone until I thought we’d brought whatever topic we were discussing to completion (I’ve learned, by the way, that this doesn’t work. It’s better just to go to sleep and see how things look in the morning. What seems important at 1 am rarely is that important after a good night’s sleep).

Although I have known for a while that I avoid good-byes like most people avoid the plague, I’ve never really thought about why that was until recently. I think it’s because when I care about people the last thing I want in my life is closure. I want to believe in the uncanny ability to find people from your past in unexpected places and to remember all the good things that you associate with them. Relationships, unlike books and movies, aren’t meant to end; they are meant to carry forward, to bring out even better things as time marches on. An old friend used to talk about closing the loop – make sure that a conversation came full-circle so that its conclusion ratified its beginning. That’s not how I want my relationships. I want them to be open and incomplete, and for their conclusion to beg more questions, not only solicit answers.

One of the reasons I like books so much is because they transport you to another place and another time, but the situations that the characters go through are the same throughout history. After all, all of fiction is a footnote to Shakespeare. Our lives are a story, our history a script. However, unlike most good books, while the plot may be winding, the ending is sure. The Author is known, the characters memorable and a sequel in the works.

A little over a year ago Joy Carney passed away. My friend Gini is her daughter and at the time of her mother’s passing there was little that I could say to comfort or encourage her. Joy’s death was unexpected and unexplained and one could not contend with it without questioning “why?”. Over a year has passed and the answers are still unknown. And though they say time heals all pain, the passage of time has not made the incomprehensible any easier to understand.

Despite a decade-long friendship with Gini, I can’t say I really knew her mom. Joy was a constant figure in my friend’s life but my interactions with her were brief and inconsistent. I heard stories about her and had created a caricature of who she was as a wife, mother and woman. However, all children tend to be selective as they recount their parents’ deeds and I’m sure Gini was no exception. Yet even with this lack of firsthand knowledge of who Joy was, I feel well equipped to write of her legacy. I experience it every day in the lives of those she raised.

Joy’s death was the first in a long string of events that besought circumstances in her family’s life that humanity was not meant to deal with. In the midst of these circumstances they cling to their faith and seek to thwart all attempts to weaken the spiritual foundation which she imparted to them. Not only do they hold tightly to their spiritual heritage, they cling fiercely to the bonds of family – practically daring outside forces to tear them apart. Lastly, they strive to recognize the goodness that exists in little things knowing that circumstances are temporal, but joy is everlasting.

I think those of us who are Christians have the same opportunity to leave a legacy of joy. I believe that after love, joy should be the condition by which others define us. This joy comes from possessing the peace that passes understanding and by recognizing that God is, and all else is insignificant. This is a legacy that not only has an immediate impact but lasts for generations to come.

In her kitchen, Gini has a sign that features the exhortation – “Scatter Joy”. It serves as a reminder to her of who her mom is and how she wants to live. May each of us do the same.

“Of one hundred men, one will read the Bible; the ninety-nine will read the Christian.” – Dwight L. Moody quoted by Philip Yancey in What’s So Amazing About Grace?