As many people know, earlier this year my daddy unexpectedly passed away. What few people know is that a few months later, my husband and I lost our first child to a miscarriage. Perhaps it’s unusual to experience these types of painful losses so close to one another. Perhaps it’s more common than we are aware. Regardless, it has been a tough road; one that I would have never planned, but that I’m walking just the same.
As I’ve mourned these losses and tried to figure out where to go from here, I’ve been reminded of a few things:
God is in control.
I am not.
God is on the throne.
I am not.
God knows the way.
I do not.
And while I’ve learned and re-learned the truth of these words, God, in His providence, has made this time of sorrow into also a time of comfort, a time of hope and a time of grace. Comfort, because I know that while I might not understand, I know the God Who does. I’ve often reminded myself that no one knows this pain like God does. Christ was a Son separated from His dad, and the Father knows the pain of a Son’s death. He’s walked this road, on both sides, and is walking it again with me.
It’s been a time of hope because while I don’t understand the reasons for these losses, I know that God has promised to use them. He will use the tears to water the seed of His will. He will use the grief to bring about grace. While I choose to believe that it grieves God when His children suffer, I also believe that He redeems these times by working through them to bring about His will. I wish I didn’t have to experience the sorrow, but I’m grateful that God uses even the painful things to bring about His good.
And it’s been a time of grace because in the last few months God has been demonstrably present. He’s put people into our lives who need to hear His Word, and through these experiences, we have been given the opportunity to share it. He’s provided in both seen and unseen ways to meet the needs that we didn’t even know we had. He’s arranged timelines and schedules to make our burden lighter. And He’s given us comfort and hope that can only come from Him.
In my humanity, I wish for my dad to still be here, and for my baby to have safely arrived on this Earth. I do not presume to know why they aren’t, but I know that these losses did not catch God unaware. A song [affiliate link] by Kerrie Roberts often serves a reminder to me that “Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands.” He could have stopped these things, but in His sovereignty He didn’t. But in His graciousness, He’s using them to still accomplish something good. And while I grieve, there are no better hands to wipe away the tears.
(While it was heartbreaking to experience both of these losses so close together, it is even harder to lose someone and not have confidence of their salvation in Christ. This is what it truly means to be “twice grieved.” Please, if you don’t know Christ, don’t spend another day without Him. If you don’t know what it means to be a Christian, I’m happy to answer any questions. This is also a great place to learn more. May God bless you as you seek and serve Him. ~ N.A. Winter)
