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Whenever I think of the 12 apostles I am tempted to think of them as a rag-tag group of young guys who were just hanging around as Jesus called them to follow Him. Of course, this perception is contrary to Scripture. We know that some of them left presumably thriving careers, several as fishermen and another as a tax collector. At least one of them, Peter, was married. We know this because Jesus healed Peter’s mother-in-law (Mark 1:29-31). The only way for Peter to have a mother-in-law, was for him to have a wife.

Scripture doesn’t give us much detail about Peter’s wife. Because of his seminal role in the Early Church, I think it’s safe to presume that Peter and his household met the requirements of elders given in the epistles (I Tim. 3:2-7; Titus 1:5-9). However, the details of who Peter’s wife was, how long she lived, and what her role was in her husband’s ministry is not provided. We do know, though, quite a bit about Peter. We know that he was part of Jesus’ inner circle and traveled with him throughout Israel; we know that he denied Christ there times; we know that he was instrumental in the building of the Early Church and that as a result he, along with other church leaders, faced severe persecution. And  while how his wife responded to all of these things is not share, it’s helpful to think how I may have responded if I were her. Specifically,

1) When he came home and shared that he was abandoning his career in order to follow the Lord, what would I have said?

2) Would I conduct myself in such a way that our family would give credibility to his calling and not distract from it?

3) When he was downcast over the Lord’s death and his denial, would I have encouraged and uplifted him?

4) Would I continue to support the work that God had called him to even when it meant persecution and jail?

It’s easy to respond with an enthusiastic “yes.” After all, we have the benefit of hindsight. We can see all that God did through and in the life of Peter. However, where it gets convicting is when I stop and apply the same questions to my own relationship. Specifically am I…

1) Willing to support what God has called my spouse to even if it means great personal sacrifice?

2) Conducting myself in such a way that it gives credibility to my husband’s ministry and doesn’t distract from it?

3) Encouraging him when God’s plan are uncertain and unclear?

4) Supporting him and the work that God has called him to regardless of the costs to us or our family?

As I think about my imperfection in doing this within the comfort and convenience of the world I live in, I can not help but mentally applaud Peter’s wife. And I can’t help but think that perhaps the silence of Scripture on her response is perhaps more instructive than had it been described in detail. After all, we have no reason to believe that she was anything but loving and supportive. May the same be true and rightly assumed of our marriage.

In any type of relationship, there is a give and take dimension. One wise friend of mine equates relationships with bank accounts. Sometimes you are making deposits and sometimes you are making withdrawals. A “good” relationship is one in which the deposits exceed the withdrawals. Otherwise, the other party will eventually feel used rather than appreciated in the relationship.

The closer the relationship is, the more inclined we are to ask the other person to do something for us. I rarely hesitate to ask my husband to help me take care of something at home. I would be less inclined to make the same appeal of a visitor. My husband and I share an intimacy that is built upon mutual understanding and trust. Therefore, I’m able to ask things of him that I wouldn’t ask of someone with whom I don’t share as close of a relationship.

The challenge is that as with any relationship, sometimes the familiarity we experience in marriage can cause us to make a plethora of withdrawals without considering whether or not we have made any deposits. Compound the fact that oftentimes the basis of our appeal is what we want, and not what is good for the other person or our marriage, and the “account balance” can quickly run low. It’s counterintuitive, but the more we know someone, the less likely we are to consider them when we make our requests. Familiarity often replaces courtesy. And while we may be glad for the lack of required social convention, we should be mindful that fulfilling our requests doesn’t become an “expected” part of our behavior.

One way to mitigate this is to, as stated earlier, make it a practice to ask for things that are for the other’s good. Perhaps this is not needed when we need a jar opened, or help making the bed, but when we are making requests that have to do with the overall direction of our relationship or the plans for our future together, we should be mindful that our appeals are not just centered on ourself. What can we request that is for the other’s benefit or the mutual benefit of our marriage? How can we make our appeal with the good of the other person in mind? In doing so, we ensure that our requests aren’t just for our own desires, but that even in asking for things, we are making a “deposit” in our relationship.

If we think about it, this is what Christ does. Scripture makes it clear that He is frequently interceding to the Father on our behalf (Ro. 8:34). The nature of His appeal are for our good – that we may grow to be the men and women that our Father desires us to be. We should have the same concern for our spouse in the requests we make as He.