Relationships

Choosing What’s Important

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The Women’s BIble Study that I am in has been going through the book of Proverbs. As a book of wisdom, it has a lot to say about relationships. Since relationships are central to living a life that is glorifying to God and are integral to life on this planet, it is not surprising that in providing instructions for how to live wisely, relationships would be a central topic.

Because of their importance and their fragility, relationships require a lot of care and wisdom. One of the most damaging things to our relationships is our pride. If I am focused on “me,” it is difficult to be simultaneously focused on someone else.  

Yet at some point a choice has to be made; we must decide whether our pride or our relationship with another is more important. Perhaps there is no greater battlefield for this decision than in our marriages. Our familiarity with one another makes it less likely that we will feel the social pressure to defer to the other. Our history increases the chances that there have been sins against us in the past that the Enemy uses to tempt us to “stick up for ourselves” this time. Our expectation of a future together will entice us to make sure that we “get what we’re due” now, otherwise we might set a precedent for the years to come. The prideful temptations are everywhere and a choice must be made. Is our pride or our relationship what matters most? Are we willing to sacrifice “me” for the sake of “us”?

It may seem easy in concept, but it’s a difficult choice in practice. Not because the believer doesn’t know what choice they should make, but because any type of sacrifice is hard. Yet Proverbs 19:11 gives us hope. It states, “Good sense makes one slow to anger,and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” In other words, when we choose to set aside our pride and not fly off the handle, we are exercising wisdom. When we don’t demand what’s “ours” in order to overlook an offense, we are acting honorably. Choosing the good of a relationship over fueling our pride is hard, but God’s Word says it’s worth it. And because He will be the final arbitrator, if He says it’s worth it, we know that it is.

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Relationships

The Choice to Trust

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Years ago, I wrote about the importance of choosing to trust. I had learned that while being quick to be skeptical made it less likely that I would be hurt (although it didn’t prevent this in its entirety), it also made it less likely that I would have relationships with a firm foundation.  As I wrote at the time, “if we expect failure, people are often all too-willing to live up to our expectations.” We thus create what we suspect; we believe that we will be disappointed, and we are.

Yet, any good relationship requires trust. Sometimes this comes easy either because we have decided that we don’t have much to lose or because we have seen the person prove faithful in that area time and time again. However, when faced with new and difficult situations I find myself reverting to my previous habits. I want to control and dictate what will occur thereby “ensuring” the result that I want. I want to plan and strategize to mitigate the possible damage. In short, I place my trust in myself, which doesn’t leave much room for me to give it to anybody else. And the irony is that this probably causes just as much, if not more damage to my relationships than if I more freely relied on the people God has given me.

So, I must choose to trust. Not in a naive, flippant way, but in a way that acknowledges that God has graciously given me people who I can  depend on. I need to remember that trust doesn’t require perfection; if it did none of us would be able to trust or to be trusted. In my case, this means that when our family faces uncertainty, I need to let my husband know that I trust his leadership and the work that God is doing in His life. For younger readers, it may mean trusting their parents’ authority even if when they don’t understand the reasons for their biblical directions. For others, it may mean letting someone else help them, even if they want to do everything on their own. Things may not turn out the way that you want; it’s possible that they may turn out better. But even if they don’t, you can always trust the One who has ultimate control. You can make the choice to trust knowing that ultimately He is at work in the circumstance to bring out His good purposes, for your life, and for all His children.

It’s important that we use discretion with whom we trust. However, just because we can’t trust everyone, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t trust some people. We may be scared because choosing to trust means that we are letting go of a bit of our control. But in doing so we are also acknowledging the greatest blessings can’t be controlled.

 

 

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