Relationships

A Guy Like This

Like most girls, when I was younger, I could list the things that I wanted in a guy. Some of these things were important, some of them weren’t. Hopefully, the older and more mature I got the list was filled more with important things than unimportant ones.

However, now that I’m married, I find that one of the best gifts God has given me is a husband who I can use as an example of the type of guy a girl should marry. I can say, “You’re not sure what type of man God as for you? You should look for a guy like this” and describe who my husband is.  This isn’t to say that our marriage is perfect, no marriage is, but it is far better than I could have hoped for or imagined. One of the primary reasons for this is because of the wonderful man that I get to call my husband. What I’ve learned is that if you’re married to the type of guy that you would tell young women to marry, than that’s a pretty good thing, and what I tell them is that they should look for:

  • A Guy That Loves You Like This – One of the best things about my husband is the manner in which he loves me. I know that must sound selfish, but I’m blessed to be married to a guy that takes my burden as his own, who strives to protect me from both physical and emotional hurt, and who wants for me to be happy. These are wonderful things to look for in a relationship.

 

  • A Guy that Leads Like This – Not only does my husband love me well, but he leads well because he leads with his eyes firmly focused on Christ. Because of this, he’s looking towards the “big picture’ and not the temporary annoyances of today. Obviously, I benefit from this, but I’m not the only one. Wherever he goes, this is how he leads – humbly, with his heart fixed on our King. 

 

  • A Guy that Serves Like This – Although my husband is a great leader, he is perhaps an even greater servant. Because his leadership is Christ-focused, so is his service. I don’t know if I have ever witnessed my husband be concerned about the personal cost of his service. He is always willing to go the extra mile and spend the extra time, because he knows that the manner in which he serves, as well as the service itself, is reflective of our Lord.  He serves well, which motivates me to serve well also.

 

  • A Guy who Loves Christ Like This – My husband is able to love, lead and serve well because of his love for Christ. As has hopefully been shown above this is his primary focus – loving Christ in a manner that it dominates every other area of his life. There aren’t many ways to predict how a marriage will turn out, but marrying a guy who loves Christ well (and loving Christ well yourself) is an unbeatable foundation to build on.

It’s hard to always discern what to look for in a spouse; it’s hard to know what will matter in 20, 30, 40 years. While we haven’t gotten there yet, I believe all these things will. And it’s a magnificent blessing to be married to someone that you can point to and say, “look for a guy like this.”

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Relationships

A Glass of Water

In high school, I read a book called A Severe Mercy. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it. It’s a book about Sheldon and his wife Davy Vanauken. It recounts how they loved each other, and eventually how they came to know Christ. In it, Sheldon writes about the steps that his wife and he took in order to protect and grow their relationship. They were so intentional about having a close and impenetrable relationship that they took steps most of us would never dream of. They read the books that each other had enjoyed as children. They left everything in order to spend months with each other on a boat. They sought to give up their claims to “my” for the sake of “our.”

In all of this, they sought to treat each other with courtesy. Their test for this was getting a glass of water for each other in the middle of the night. This may not sound like much, but it was a barometer of their respect for one another. The one who was asked to get the glass would so desire to honor the other person that they would set aside the inconvenience of waking up and leaving bed in order to get it. The one who wanted the water would recognize the inconvenience that this caused and would therefore be reticent to ask, not wanting to burden the other person. It was a simple yet profound way to symbolize the respect and care that they wanted to be present in their marriage.

A glass of water. It’s a simple gesture and yet, as the Vanauken’s realized, it would come to mean so much. So often we are quick to promise grand gestures yet we don’t even do the simple things to honor those we love. We say that we would die for them, yet we don’t listen to their stories. We promise that we would protect them, but we tell thoughtless jokes at their expense. We state that we’d give up everything for them, but insist on always choosing the restaurant. Simple things? Yes. So is a glass of water. But they can come to mean so much more.

It’s a wonderful thing to partake in some grand gesture for the sake of the one that you love. To risk your life, to go the distance, to sacrifice all. But it’s perhaps even more impressive to regularly and intentionally do the small things that show your honor, love and respect. It’s the simple things, after all, that fills most of our days. And it’s the simple things that regularly communicate your love for the other person. Like getting a glass of water for them, even in the middle of the night.

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