More Than Partners

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When preparing to give birth or when reading blogs or books about being a new parent, writers often talk about the role of the mother’s “partner.” Throughout the literature it is clear that mommyhood isn’t something that is intended to be done alone. If the mother takes on the full weight of responsibility for the little one’s life, not only will she quickly be overwhelmed, but the father is missing out on an important part of the parenting experience. Researchers want dads and moms to know that parenting is not a solo gig.

While I agree with the sentiments expressed by these authors, I found myself often tripping up over the word “partner.” As a businessperson one learns early on that a partnership is one way of establishing an organizational structure. A partnership is where two parties share both responsibilities and decision-making authority. Liabilities and assets, profits and losses are all to be shared between the partners. There is a mutual investment and all partners have an interest in seeing the enterprise succeed.

The trouble is that while the above description may seem to clearly reflect how many people approach marriage and parenting, a partnership is not an apt characterization of the biblical model of these things. Partnerships, after all, are transactional – it is about an exchange of ideas, money or other assets that allow all parties to benefit. Marriages are relational – it is not about each person protecting their own interest and obtaining their own success – it is about sacrifice and care for the good of your spouse. Partnerships are easy to dissolve and often are when they no longer are able to obtain their desired outcome; marriages are intended to last beyond any temporal condition and are about bringing God glory not about personal self interest. While marriage may envelope some of the principles of a partnership, a Christian marriage should move beyond these elementary ideas and should be seen both as a ministry – intended to reflect Christ to both your spouse and to the watching world – and a commitment that no contract or court can can abrogate. Neither of these things are transactional – they mean something more than simply an exchange so that two parties benefit.

It is easy to slip into the language of our culture and to talk about our spouse as our partner. And hopefully it is true that both our spouse and ourselves are invested in our marriage and our committed to its success. However, let us also recognize that merely having a partnership is not what God intended when two people are brought together as one. Let us approach our marriage as more than a partnership – to see it not as a transaction but as a relationship that can bring God honor and praise.

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Life as a noble wife

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Here in the United States, our definitions of nobility are often made up of what we see from Disney fairytales and watching the British royals. The idea that someone’s bloodlines alone would set them apart as something special is unfamiliar to us. While we may understand the idea in concept, we reject the idea in practice. We pride ourselves in being “the land of dreams” where with enough hard work and talent anyone can achieve what they desire. Our aristocracy is fluid in nature – comprised of the latest celebrity, professional sports player or tech tycoon to hit it big.

Because of the context that we live in, it may be difficult to grasp the exhortation of Proverbs 31:10 when the writer states “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” We are unfamiliar with the concept of nobility in general, let alone what the concept of a noble wife means.

The dictionary can be somewhat useful to us here. It defines noble as “possessing outstanding qualities,” or alternatively as “very good or excellent.” It goes on to define this word as “possessing, characterized by, or arising from superiority of mind or character or of ideals or morals.”  So one thing we know about being a noble wife is that she is the exception rather than the rule. Our definition of a noble wife than can’t simply be based on what we see proliferated in the lives of women in media or even in our immediate circle of relationships. It is no wonder that writer of this proverb knew she was more valuable than a rare jewel – not just any woman would qualify for this distinction and finding her would be no easy task.

Another thing that we can quickly learn is that whether a woman is considered “noble” or not has much more to do with who she is than what she appears to be. In other words, the distinction of a “noble wife” is made based on the type of person that she is – her character, how she thinks and how she behaves. It is her ideals and morals that distinguish her as noble – not her perfectly manicured nails or her exquisite fashion sense. If we desire to be this type of woman this definition helps us direct where we should spend our time and invest our efforts. While taking care of our outside appearance is good, the greatest return will be found in grooming and refining our hearts. In doing so, our inner beauty will be reflected in our lives.

Lastly, it doesn’t take much to realize that the noble wife is one that is characterized by excellence. Doing what she is called to do well isn’t just a passing fancy, but it is the description of how she goes about completing her work. She is good at what she does. As we later read in Proverbs 31 that this includes everything from providing garments for her household to negotiating the purchase of a field. She is not given to half-hearted efforts – but seeks to bring glory to her Lord and honor to her husband through dispensing her tasks with great care and commitment. Her focus isn’t on “good enough to get by,” recognizing that the degree to which she does a task well is a reflection of her character and the seriousness of her commitment to the high calling she has been given.

What does a wife of noble character look like then? She looks like someone who gives as much care to maintaining her inner beauty as most princesses to do maintaining their outer allure. She is someone who is distinguished not by bloodlines but by convictions and character. Her legions of followers may be small in this life, but for the woman of God who chooses this path, she will be rewarded greatly in Heaven.  She may never have the perfect curtsey or know all the proper royal protocol, but in the end, her worth will be far greater than even the richest kingdom of this earth can hold.

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