Relationships

A Back to School Prayer: Friendships & Our Kids

It has become a little bit of a tradition in years past that I try to share a way that we can be praying for our kids as they head back to school. This wasn’t a pattern I intended to start; it originated because of my own petitions as a mom. A new school year is a good time to think about the goals we have for our kids and to prayerfully place those plans at our Father’s feet, asking for His will for each life that He has entrusted to our care.

This year, as I thought about next school year what kept coming to mind is the influence others have on our kids and the influence our kids can have on those around them. Therefore, as we approach a new year of educational attainment, I invite you to join me in praying for our kids’ friends, and the type of friend that our kids will be.

Here are 7 specific ways you can pray for friendships and your kid this school year:

  1. Pray that they have friends that point them to Jesus – As our kids age, their friends have an increasing influence on their lives (and proportionately, their parents a lessening one.) Let’s pray that our kids have friends that will direct their thoughts & attention to Jesus, and that will help them look to Scripture to make decisions. Pray that these friends will encourage our kids to respect the authority of God, and all the other authority in their lives. “Bad company corrupts good character” (I Cor. 15:33) and conversely, good company helps build excellent character. Let’s pray that our kids are surrounded by good company.
  1. Pray that they are a friend who points others to their Savior. – Just as we pray that our kids will have friends that point them to Jesus, let’s pray that our kid is the type of friend who points people to Him. May we ask God to help our child rely on Him, and to use that security to show those that are around them the grace and mercy He gives. When people are in a quandary, may they be able to count on our kid to give wise advice that is not based on a fallible opinion or limited perspective, but on the truth of God’s Word. May our child have a character that is increasingly conformed to that of Christ’s and may they see the Savior reflected in how our child lives. 
  1. Pray that their friends are wise – If we want to be wise, Proverbs 13:20 states that we need to do life (i.e. “walk”) with the wise. Therefore, if we want our kids to be wise (and we should) we should pray that they surround themselves with wise friends. We should pray specifically that our kids’ friends are wise in the ways of God, that they are being brought up in the fear and knowledge of the Lord. However, recognizing that our kids will have friends who are not being raised in that manner, we can still be praying that they have wisdom in what they commend and what they pursue. In other words, I want to pray that my kids’ friends from non-Christian homes also have sensitive consciences and have hearts that are inclined to what is pure, noble, honorable, lovely and of good repute. I know that they will have an influence on my children, and these are the things that I want my kids to also be inclined towards. 
  1. Pray that they are a friend to those who do not have many. – In considering the type of friend that we want our kids to be, it would be good to pray that they are the type of person who is a friend to those who don’t have many. Recognizing that while we were still His enemies, Christ died for us (Ro. 5;8) should compel us to want to be people who show love, grace, and mercy to those who are lonely, weak, and hurting. This may seem like a lot to ask of our kids, but we should desire to train them from a young age to appreciate how fearfully and wonderfully God has made every single person. Let us pray that as we show our kids what it means to love like Jesus does, that they will be an extension of that type of grace and kindness to those at their school who are most in need of a friend. 
  1. Pray that they have friends who encourage them. We all know how cruel kids can be and how careless words far too easily usher forth from their lips. We all probably have memories of things that were said to us that broke our heart. In those moments, it is often our friends that we turn to for encouragement. Let us pray that our kids have friends that help them see through the emptiness of unkind words and who help strengthen their resolve to be who God created them to be. May our kids have friends who build them up, not tear them down, and may their friends help them appreciate the value and dignity of being an image bearer of God. 
  1. Pray that they speak words of grace to their friends. In a world filed with unkind words, may our kids be people whose tone is different. Instead of responding in kind when they are the recipients of harshness, may they be gentle and thoughtful, slow to anger and abounding in kindness. May others count on them to say things that are uplifting, rather than things that disparage. May what they say and how they say it, bring glory to God. 
  1. Pray that their friendships will help them love God and love others more, and that Jesus will use those relationships to grow His Kingdom. – Of course, the summation and the motivation of all our prayers for our kids should be that they know and trust in Jesus as their Lord and Savior. We should be praying that God uses all our kids’ friends to help accomplish this in their lives. May even the difficult friendships help refine them and reveal to them how futile it ultimately is to put our security in anything but Christ. Additionally, may we pray that God would use us to draw others to Him because of the people that we meet because of the friends our kids make. As we interact with parents and guardians of our kids’ friends, may we be ready to give a reason for the hope that is in us (I Peter 3:15). May we be representative of His love, and may we look for ways that we can serve the families of our kids’ friends. May we ask God to give us wisdom and insight into how we should invest our time to maximize our evangelistic opportunities. And may we pray that when we look back at this season in our kid’s lives, that we will see how He used the friendships they had and our faithfulness to act, to bring many into a right relationship with Him. 

Our kids’ friends will have a significant influence on them, and they will have an opportunity to have a significant influence on their friends. May we faithfully pray that God uses those relationships for the good of our kids, and the good of their friends. May we recognize that every friendship is an opportunity to shine the love and faithfulness of Christ. And may we make the most of that opportunity, for the sake of Eternity. 

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Relationships

Uplifting Little Hearts

Throughout this series on encouragement, we have discussed general principles for encouraging others, as well as how to boost the spirits of our spouses and our leaders. Today, we will consider how we can encourage our children. In a world that will often disparage and deride our kids when they choose God’s way, it is important that our kids’ little hearts are uplifted so that they may faithfully live in obedience to Him. There is no more important person to provide this encouragement than their parent. If we are committed to doing that well, we can start with these 5 practical suggestions on how to encourage our kids:

1. Commend their godly tendencies

If we are committed to raising our kids in a way that honors Christ, a lot of time will be spent correcting and training them to renounce their sinful inclinations. This is good and proper, and it is a central aspect of the stewardship that God has given us. Unfortunately, because this is such a significant part of the job, we may find that we tend to only issue corrections and never commendations. It is true, my kids aren’t perfect and neither are yours, but it is also true that they each have been fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14). Just because they are not perfect, doesn’t mean that they are completely devoid of any inclination towards godly action. When we see them behaving in a way that honors God – in big and in small ways – we should commend them for it. Not only will this encourage their heart in the moment, but it will motivate them to keep doing the things that please Him.

2. Help them see the big picture

Another way that we can encourage our kids is by helping them look beyond their immediate circumstances when they are faced with disappointment or hurt. If you think about it, especially as our kids grow, a lot of the discouragement they endure will be because of heartache that may be inconsequential in a few years. As parents, it is easy to dismiss these tears as we know that they will fade as quickly as they came. However, instead of overlooking the struggles, we would be wise to help our kids see how what is discouraging them now will likely not matter to them in a few years, and maybe not even in a few days. In other words, rarely do those heartaches have eternal consequences. When we help them see their pain in light of what Christ has accomplished on the cross, and in light of the entirety of God’s plan, they are more likely to have a right response to discouraging situations. Their hearts will be uplifted as they put their thoughts on God rather than on the disappointments of this world.

3. Celebrate their increasing maturity

There is often a lot of fanfare made when a child turns a year older. Although it may not be directly acknowledged, the reason that so much hoopla accompanies a child’s birthday is because it is a recognition that the child is on their way to becoming an adult. However, as a college professor I can tell you with great confidence that the correlation between a young person’s age and their ability to act and conduct themselves as an adult is sometimes lacking. If we want to encourage our kids, we should make sure that we celebrate their increasing maturity, regardless of whether it falls on their date of birth. Perhaps your child worked hard at something where previously they would have given up; this should be commended. Perhaps your child responded in kindness when someone was unkind to them, let’s celebrate their right behavior. We often spend more time and energy commemorating the passage of time on a calendar than we do commemorating the growth in character that we witness in our kids. Let’s change that. Let’s make at least as big a deal out of them growing in godliness as we do out of them growing another year older.

4. Invest time in what interests them

Just like investing time in what interests our spouse can encourage them, so does investing time in what interests our kids. Sometimes God gives us kids who like the same things that we do, but often He does not. However, when we try to conform our kids to our image – what we like and are inclined towards – we (perhaps inadvertently) are no longer teaching them to conform to the image of God. Therefore, we should be striving to teach them how to steward their gifts and interests in a way that honors their Creator. One of the most effective ways that we can have these conversations is if we know what they like, and why they like it. You may hate the thought of camping, but if it is what excites your kid, pitch a tent and spend time in nature. Legos may be the last thing on your mind, but if your kid can’t seem to get enough of them, spend time on the floor building and creating alongside them. Just like your kid’s hobbies don’t have to be your hobbies, you don’t need to be as passionate about their every interest as your kid is. But we should be passionate about knowing the fearful and wonderful people that God created when He formed our kids. Let’s spend time getting to know them and their interests, and as we do so, may we encourage them to be people who use the whole of their lives to honor God.

5. Put a halt to careless words

If you are like most adults, you can probably tell a story of at least one time when your parent spoke harshly or thoughtlessly to you and although the years have passed, the words still echo in your mind. The playground mantra may be that “words can never hurt me” but we all know that they do. As a parent, we have a tremendous opportunity to influence our child towards the good and godly, but careless words abuse this stewardship and can have lasting effects. If we are committed to encouraging our kids we will be diligent about using our words in a way that points them to Jesus, and avoid brandishing our speech out of frustration and anger to minimize our kid. If we fail to use our words wisely, we can still model a right response to our kids by being quick to repent and ask for forgiveness from them and from God, as well as expressly committing to being more disciplined with our words in the future. Hurtful words can have a lasting impact but so can words of contrition and forgiveness. May we cease to utter careless words and instead may our speech point our kids to Jesus.

Ephesians 6:4 teaches that parents should not aggravate their children and instead exhorts that they should be brought up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (ESV). One purposeful way of doing that is to encourage them – not so that they may be puffed up but so that they can have courage to keep living in a way that honors the Lord. May we be more faithful in this endeavor knowing that as we do so, we help our kids encounter the love and grace that comes from Jesus and the “build[ing] each other up” that God has commanded of the Church (I Thess. 5:11).

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