Relationships

Appreciating the Pride Killer


I used to always say that I’m my own worst critic. In a lot of ways, this is still true. On an average day, I’m probably going to evaluate my performance worse than those that observe me. Frankly, it’s not a matter of self-esteem, but a desire for continuous improvement. It’s an annoying quality to be sure, but for some reason, that’s just how I was made.

However, I’ve learned that despite this tendency, I still squirm at the critiques of others. Every semester I get to experience this first hand when student evaluations are released. Now don’t get me wrong, I truly value and appreciate the students’ feedback. From this feedback I learned things that they like, and things that they didn’t. I’m able to improve my classes and make them more applicable for the next round of scholars. Their feedback promotes what I love – continuous improvement. Plus, I’ve been giving them feedback all semester, the least I can do is give them an opportunity to share their’s. But in a room full of 30 people, it’s hard to please everyone. And it’s always the comments from the one who’s disappointed that stand out to me.

What I’m beginning to learn though is that the resulting bruise to my ego isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I grimace at their critiques because I want to be the professor that they love. I justify their comments and rationalize away their insights, because I want to believe I’m good at my job. However, when I look at the pronouns associated with this line of reasoning, I realize it’s all about me. I’m hurt, I’m unfairly criticized, I’m disappointed. It’s my pride that’s wounded, and nothing else.

However, as a Christ-follower, I not only know that pride is not only a sin, but the more pride fills me, the less Christ does. If I’m so consumed with justifying what I’ve done, the clothes I choose, or the manner in which I teach because I believe that all-in-all I’ve done a good job, then I’m not at all focused on the work of Christ. Sure, it’s good to take an inventory of how I’ve used the opportunities God has given me, but once I let it destroy my confidence in Him, I know that it’s my pride that’s experiencing pain. Criticism wounds pride and criticism is a pride-killer. As a follower of Christ, I want less of me anyway, so why shudder at the injury?

Maybe a day will come when I will rejoice at the day student evaluations are released. Maybe someone will critique my driving, or my cooking, and I will thank them. At the very least, I hope to appreciate how as a result, pride is killed in my life, and thereby, in humility, embrace the criticisms that come.. . .whether or not they are deserved.

Continue Reading

Growth

No Choice

It’s amazing how quickly the news can change. A few days ago, the major story was that Jon & Kate Gosselin, of “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” fame had filed for divorce. Since that time, other events have changed the pop culture news landscape. If I was a more on-top-of-it blogger, maybe this discourse wouldn’t already seem outdated. Oh well, you got to work with what you have.

So, as my rambling introduction indicated, I, like much of the nation perhaps, was intrigued my the Jon & Kate news. Not because I’m a fan of the show; I’ve never seen it. In fact, I hadn’t heard hardly anything about the couple until their recent demise. What caught my attention, however, was the statement that Mrs. Gosselin made when she announced her filing for divorce. According to this article on People.com, Kate said “Over the course of this weekend, Jon’s activities have left me no choice but to file legal procedures in order to protect myself and our children.”

Now, I don’t know what happened in this couple’s marriage, but I couldn’t help but see the disavowal of responsibility in Mrs. Gosselin’s statement. No choice? Really? I mean there’s almost always more than one choice. As many have suggested, maybe the couple should have let go of their show to save their marriage. Or maybe they could have gone to counseling together. Whatever the reasons behind the split, it seen incongruous to say that filing for divorce was the only option available.

It’s the same line of reasoning I use when my students tell me that they had no opportunity to complete their assignment. Rarely is that really the case. Instead, they made a decision about how to use their time, and the assignment didn’t rank high on their priority list. Or more specifically, whatever they did decide to do ranked higher. They had a choice, and to destroy the phrase from Spider Man, with that choice comes responsibility…the responsibility to accept the outcomes for that decision before the choice is made.

What amazes me, is that in a world where people increasingly argue that there is no such thing as black and white, that everything is relative, when it comes down to a decision about maintaining our commitments, we think there is only one option available. And that this limitation is often an excuse for fulfilling our responsibilities.

This isn’t a discussion that’s limited to the 21st century. Years ago, in her book “The Hiding Place”, Corrie Ten Boom recounts how her sister, Nollie, who also provided refuge to Jews in Austria facing Nazi persecution, chose to tell the truth when asked by the police state whether there were in fact Jews hiding in the house. Most people think that there is only one option when faced with this hideous decision, but her sister, chose another. She decided that her values didn’t change based on the difficulty of the decision; that she would stand for truth even when it seemed ridiculous to do so. And in the end, she and all those to whom her family was providing refuge, were inexplicably quickly released from captivity.

I don’t know that the reason for their release was because of the commitment to truth, and I’m not prepare to say that there aren’t greater principles at stake in a situation like the one Corrie ten Boom’s sister faced. *** However, in the million of everyday occurrences, we tend to limit the hand of God, by only seeing one alternative available – and usually it’s the quickest path to that which we think we deserve. However, if we can only see one option and that option doesn’t bring God honor, then there must be another alternative. So when Christians are faced with a decision in which they could honor God, or they can do that which best served their own purposes, there really should be no choice. The only choice should be to glorify Him.

***Based on comments that can be read below, I updated this blog to try to make my point clearer. The blog wasn’t intended to be about divorce, but was about viewing a decision as only having one alternative. If that alternative doesn’t bring God honor, then there must be another option that does.

Continue Reading