Relationships

Indepedence Day

Ask any of my friends (and probably most acquaintances) to describe me, and you’ll most likely hear that I’m independent. And although I’ve disagreed with my friends descriptions of me (See “A Blog on Ambition“), in this instance, I concur. I’ve basically lived by myself since I was 20 and I am perfectly content doing things all by my lonesome if it’s something I want to do. The exception would be surfing – doing that independently just seems dangerous (Hint, hint – if someone is up for teaching me, I’m game). Maybe it;s being raised in a military family or maybe it’s just my nature, but for whatever reason, striking out on my own rarely daunts me. My independence has been a source of honor for me as I attempt to eschew the need for anyone or anything.

For awhile now I’ve thought that there was a spiritual side to this too. After all, I figured my independence was a sign of trusting God. And in a way it probably was, but not to the degree that I attributed to it. My attitude was “As long as I have God, I don’t need anything else”. And while that’s true, I think too often it led to the absurd posturing that “God and I had everything under control”. The truth was we didn’t have anything under control. He did. My independence had little to do with that fact. Relying on it was a matter of pride -not trust – and too often it caused me to miss out in the blessings of community. I’ve realized that I wasn’t made to do things on my own and too often, I’ve missed the joys that come from knowing and being known.

In his book, In the Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen relates that Jesus always sent out His disciples together – never alone. Whether during Christ’s earthly ministry when He sent out the seventy, or later when Paul and Timothy (among others) brought His message to Gentile communities, Christ’s disciples went in pairs. Being together enabled communal prayer, mutual encouragement, and shared burdens. Through their partnership, the disciples were able to better experience Christ’s expressions of love.


Nouwen argues that this practice should still be the case today. In fact, he extends this argument to demonstrate that it is only in dependent communities that we can fully experience one of the greatest joys in the Christian life – forgiveness and reconciliation. Without community, our struggles are our own and the joy of restoration is unshared. Through relationships with others, Christ’s grace is more fully manifest in our lives as we see His love expressed through them. Whether this is through the relationship of a spouse, family member or fellow Christian sojourner, embarking on the journey together provides assurance that we are following the right path. This assurance is only one of the blessings of community, but were it the only, it would surely be worth sacrificing our independence.

Postscript – In recent weeks, I’ve had the opportunity to meet several young men (and one young women) serving in the armed forces. Despite a proud family history of military service, meeting these soldiers has brought me renewed appreciation for the sacrifices they are making. To them – and all members of the armed services here and abroad – thank you for your willingness to protect our freedoms, even at great personal costs.

Continue Reading

Growth Relationships

Becoming familiar

“Everything’s wonderful until it becomes familiar”. Charles H. Spurgeon

The above quotation (Bec – notice the use of the word quotation instead of quote) is taken from a sermon by famous London preacher Charles Spurgeon*. Mentioning it as an aside, it has little to do with the main topic of the sermon which was, I believe either about our ability to trust in God’s knowledge of what is to come or encouragement to keep a steady course in the midst of trial. Either way, the quotation (there’s that word again) struck me and caused me to ponder long after the sermon ended.

I’ve long been of the belief that humanity is at its essence ungrateful. Probably the starkest example of this is modern-day America. The things that we consider commonplace – running water, three meals a day, soda to name a few – are extreme luxuries in significant parts of the world. I’m reminded of this every time I talk to my friend Juli, who, as a missionary in Kenya is faced everyday with the issues of life and death. What happened on American Idol last night is of little concerned to her or the many AIDS patients to whom she attends.

While the disparity between Americas riches and the rest of the world’s poverty is not new, what’s noteworthy to me is that despite this richness we often still long for more. Very few of us are content with the things that we have and the incessant desire to acquire is pronounced within us. While Americans may have the fewest reasons for these desires, I don’t believe the ailment is confined to us. All over the world people long for more than what they have, even if what they have is more than enough.

Which brings me to my point (About time! – some of you might say). No matter how wonderful something is at its nascent, oftentimes we lose the sense of awe as time passes. I think this is the cause of so many failed marriages. It’s not that the person isn’t as wonderful as they first were, it’s that their magnificence is less appreciated by the other. And when appreciation dies, love is often the second victim. That is why a heartfelt e-mail, a special gift, or an act of service can lose its appeal. After it becomes familiar, maybe even expected, our appreciation for it often dwindles, and we begin looking for something to replace it.

While this may be detrimental in our human relationships, its perilous in our relationship with God. As the one Person who is always with us, Christ is the most susceptible to seeming commonplace. Especially for those of us who have been Christians since youth, the marvel of our salvation may lose its awesomeness in the consistent retelling of the story. And unlike an angry spouse, Christ will not vie for our attention or our gratitude. Instead, in subtle ways through the wonder of His creation, the laughter of a baby, or the spark of human kindness, He beckons us to recognize His unprecedented goodness. If we refuse to hear His call, He will not convey angry invectives of the injustice. Instead, like the Father of the Prodigal Son, He will wait for us to recognize the goodness that He provides and return home.

Because the goodness of the Father is the essence of Who He is (after all God literally is love), it has a tendency to become familiar. But in its familiarity, let us not forget, it is anything but commonplace.

*I apologize for the lack of a direct reference. I need to get better about scribbling the source down when something captures my attention. After all, I want to be a responsible little blogger.

Continue Reading