It seems that whenever a catastrophic event happens, it isn’t long before social media is punctuated with posts with words of wisdom attributed to Mr. Rogers. In these posts we are reminded that when things get scary and uncertain, we are to “look for the helpers;” to recognize that although we may feel alone, there are others around us who are actively working to make things better.
This advice, originally intended for kids, is well-meaning and may even be beneficial. However, too often we may “look for the helpers” without recognizing that perhaps we should be the ones to help. In other words, instead of just looking for the helpers, we should set out to be one.
The danger in writing this given this context is that we may be tempted to think that we only need to “be the helper” in extreme circumstances. However, as I was recently reminded at a birthday party which featured 21 girls between the ages of 3-9, it is not only when we are in danger that we could use help. We can be a blessing in “ordinary” circumstances by our willingness to lend a hand. And if we are followers of Christ, we should always be looking to bless other people in hopes that as we do so, we will motivate them to seek Christ.
But how should we help? Even when we want to be of assistance, we may feel that we are ill-equipped to do so. Here are four specific principles that may help us help better.
1. Make a specific offer.
When people see someone in need, they often will say “let me know how I can help.” This may be said simply because the person doesn’t want to be presumptuous about how they can serve someone else. However, I have found that more often than not, making a specific offer of how you can help may be even more beneficial. If the person doesn’t want help in that particular way, your specific offer may help them think of another need that they have. If they do need help, but hadn’t yet realized that this was an unmet need, your specific offer can be even more of a blessing than you realized. And even if neither of those things happen, just by taking the time to think through something specific that you can do and showing intentionality in your offer of assistance, you may encourage and strengthen the person you are trying to serve. On a practical note – unless you know the person extremely well – make your offer in the form of a question rather than as an emphatic statement (for example – “Can I help you by taking out your trash?” instead of “I am going to take out your trash for the next 3 weeks.”) If you really want to help someone, you have to be willing to have them reject your offer, knowing that even in making the specific offer you are likely to bless them.
Sometimes you legitimately may not know how you can benefit someone else. If that’s the case, still try to be as definitive as possible in how you offer assistance. At the aforementioned birthday party someone said to me “put me to work.” Even just the specificity of indicating that “I want to do something, and I am willing to do work to bless you” was an encouragement to me. If you can’t be specific in what you offer, at least be explicit in regards to when you can help and your willingness to work hard/spend money/take time to do what is needed. This can also magnify the blessing of your service.
2. Do the small things.
Oftentimes when people want to help, they are looking to do a grand gesture. This is especially true in situations where the need seems significant. It may be that grand gestures are warranted, but it also may be that what the person really needs is someone to help with the small, yet important things. Filling up someone’s car with gas, running some books back to the library, or sorting through mail may not be glamorous, but they can all be a blessing. And if our goal is to be a helper, being a blessing should be what we are about.
One additional note here – I find that when the need is great, people often long to do those things that put them in proximity to the person who needs help. Maybe this is natural as “presence” is one of the greatest gifts we can give to someone else. However, it is often the case that, at least in the immediacy of some great need, a lot of people want to be around, but not a lot of people are eager to do the behind-the-scenes work that may not even afford them the opportunity to have a conversation with the person who is hurting. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about what you can do to bless them, even if it means that you won’t get to actually spend time with them. After all, helping should be about the other person and not about ourselves (see Phil 2:3).
3. Don’t worry about getting credit.
Many of us would probably say that when we help someone else we don’t care about whether or not we receive credit. And yet, as previously noted, often it is the most demonstrable things that people are quickest to do. This may be because those are the things that are most needed, or it may be because we are wanting to put our helping nature on display. To truly be a help, we have to be willing to set aside any pride, and simply think about what is good for the other person. There may be heartache in this and there may be a lack of recognition, but that is o.k. Even Jesus was only thanked by one of the ten lepers, and He helped them by healing them of a devastating disease! We need to be careful that our motivation for serving others is because first and foremost we are serving Christ (see Gal. 1:10; John 12:26). And if He knows what we are doing (and He always does), we don’t need to worry about whether any one else is aware.
4. Help the helpers.
There may be occasions where we don’t have enough information to know what needs to be done, and yet we still want to bless someone. If that is a case, look to those who are already helping, and see how you can help them. I recently experienced this as I cared for a friend whose spouse unexpectedly passed away. Many people in my life knew that I was walking alongside her in the initial days following her husband’s death, and they purposefully set out to help me, so that I could be better able to help her. Maybe you are not in this extreme of a situation, but my guess is that if you are part of the body of Christ and you know that someone is in need and you don’t know what to do, there might be someone you can partner with who is already blessing that person. If someone is washing dishes, you can dry. If someone is bringing a meal, you can get the groceries. If you don’t know what to do to help, find someone who is already helping and work together to be an even bigger blessing to the person in need.
