I still remember the day when, as a high school student, I was assigned the project of writing my own eulogy. This tried and true technique for making people think about the type of person that they want to become may seem morbid to some, but it is also very clarifying. When you are compelled to codify your hopes and dreams into a few hundred words, it helps to solidify the tasks and the relationships on which you should focus the most attention. As has often been said, it helps to begin with the end in mind.
Of course, you can’t ever really know what people are going to say in remembrance of you. I was reminded of this recently when one of my closest friends passed away unexpectedly at the age of 34. There was never an opportunity for my friend to think about how he wanted to live out his last days on Earth; no time for him to complete a “bucket list” or to double down on his investment in important relationships. When God called him Home it was surprising and it was quick. He simply didn’t have the chance to overtly influence what words would be spoken in memory of him.
And yet, if you were to listen to his memorial service, what you would find is that time and time again, people said the same things. Without any type of coordination, there was a remarkable consistency in how they described what was important to him (God and his family), what he was passionate about (winning souls to Christ), and the type of person he was (trustworthy, funny, and committed to serving). People who knew him at various stages in life and from various contexts all related the same message regarding his character and his priorities, because, regardless of where and when people encountered my friend – he was the same person. All his life was focused on loving God and loving others – and because he consistently focused on these things – every single person who spoke of him did so in remarkably similar ways.
As I reflected on this experience, I realized that there is a lesson in it for all of us. We do not know the day or the hour that our time on Earth will end, but we do know that that time is coming. Whether we are given the opportunity to more clearly anticipate our death, or whether, like for my friend, it comes as a surprise, we can be intentional about shaping the impact that we make. Here are just a few of the ways:
1. Be clear about your priorities.
One of the reasons that those of us who spoke at the memorial service could so clearly articulate what mattered to our friend is that, while he was on Earth, he told us. It didn’t take a long conversation with him to know what was important to him. He loved God and he wanted others to know Him. He loved his family and he wanted to be the type of husband and dad that would honor God. These things weren’t a mystery to us because they weren’t a mystery to him. He was focused on a few, important things, and he made sure that he knew what those were and that so did others. Matthew 6:33 says to seek first the kingdom of God and everything else that you need will be added unto you. If you are clear about prioritizing Christ and His kingdom, and diligent about the ministries that He has given you, this is going to show through your life. And when God calls you home, it is going to leave an impression on those around you.
2. Step up and show up.
Another reason that there was such remarkable consistency in how people honored my friend is that he was the type of person who did what he said he was going to do. For some it may be tempting to think that in order to be this type of person, you have to limit what you are willing to commit to. And there may be some truth in that, but my friend didn’t hold back from intentionally and proactively investing in other people. He stepped up when there was a need, and he showed up to do the hard work of showing people he cared. He was not only a man of words, but a man of action. And because of this, people did not have to wonder what his priorities were. Christ calls His disciples to serve, and if we are serious about following this call, it is going to require some extra time, some extra work, and in all likelihood, some extra heartache. But it will also help ensure that people will know that they matter to us, and that more importantly, that they know that they matter to God and are loved by Him. If people can know this as a result of how we live, we can help ensure that the legacy we leave will be a significant one – not for our own glory, but for the renown of our Savior and King.
3. Be specific with your prayers.
One of the reasons that my friend was so consistent in who he was and the impact he had was because he sought God’s wisdom on what he did. While we all may think that we do this, my friend was specific and detailed in his requests. He was purposeful about seeking godly wisdom before he acted, so it should come as no surprise that his actions continually pointed people to God. He wasn’t who he was simply because that was how God made him, he was consistently that person because he was perpetually being shaped by Christ. This wasn’t just because he carried the title of “pastor” – it was because he was always being conformed to the One who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. And because he was seeking everlasting wisdom from an unchanging God, my friend’s life was remarkably consistent in bringing others to Him.
Parting Words
When I recognized the consistency by which everyone spoke about my friend during the memorial service, I quickly realized that the deliberate way he lived his life for Christ meant that when others spoke of him, they could easily articulate the type of man, husband, father, pastor, and friend he was. Several days later, on a whim, I took a look at his Twitter feed and found the message he shared the day of his unexpected death. Retweeting a post from Desiring God, it said:
Three ways to purify your thinking: 1. Set your mind on what is true and honorable. 2. Set your mind on things that are above. 3. Set your mind on Christ himself.
These words defined the aim of my friend’s life. And because he consistently lived that way, he consistently pointed others to Christ – while he was on this Earth, and even upon entering glory. How wonderful it would be if when God calls us Home, the same would be true for us.
