Throughout this series on encouragement, we have discussed general principles for encouraging others, as well as how to boost the spirits of our spouses and our leaders. Today, we will consider how we can encourage our children. In a world that will often disparage and deride our kids when they choose God’s way, it is important that our kids’ little hearts are uplifted so that they may faithfully live in obedience to Him. There is no more important person to provide this encouragement than their parent. If we are committed to doing that well, we can start with these 5 practical suggestions on how to encourage our kids:
1. Commend their godly tendencies
If we are committed to raising our kids in a way that honors Christ, a lot of time will be spent correcting and training them to renounce their sinful inclinations. This is good and proper, and it is a central aspect of the stewardship that God has given us. Unfortunately, because this is such a significant part of the job, we may find that we tend to only issue corrections and never commendations. It is true, my kids aren’t perfect and neither are yours, but it is also true that they each have been fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14). Just because they are not perfect, doesn’t mean that they are completely devoid of any inclination towards godly action. When we see them behaving in a way that honors God – in big and in small ways – we should commend them for it. Not only will this encourage their heart in the moment, but it will motivate them to keep doing the things that please Him.
2. Help them see the big picture
Another way that we can encourage our kids is by helping them look beyond their immediate circumstances when they are faced with disappointment or hurt. If you think about it, especially as our kids grow, a lot of the discouragement they endure will be because of heartache that may be inconsequential in a few years. As parents, it is easy to dismiss these tears as we know that they will fade as quickly as they came. However, instead of overlooking the struggles, we would be wise to help our kids see how what is discouraging them now will likely not matter to them in a few years, and maybe not even in a few days. In other words, rarely do those heartaches have eternal consequences. When we help them see their pain in light of what Christ has accomplished on the cross, and in light of the entirety of God’s plan, they are more likely to have a right response to discouraging situations. Their hearts will be uplifted as they put their thoughts on God rather than on the disappointments of this world.
3. Celebrate their increasing maturity
There is often a lot of fanfare made when a child turns a year older. Although it may not be directly acknowledged, the reason that so much hoopla accompanies a child’s birthday is because it is a recognition that the child is on their way to becoming an adult. However, as a college professor I can tell you with great confidence that the correlation between a young person’s age and their ability to act and conduct themselves as an adult is sometimes lacking. If we want to encourage our kids, we should make sure that we celebrate their increasing maturity, regardless of whether it falls on their date of birth. Perhaps your child worked hard at something where previously they would have given up; this should be commended. Perhaps your child responded in kindness when someone was unkind to them, let’s celebrate their right behavior. We often spend more time and energy commemorating the passage of time on a calendar than we do commemorating the growth in character that we witness in our kids. Let’s change that. Let’s make at least as big a deal out of them growing in godliness as we do out of them growing another year older.
4. Invest time in what interests them
Just like investing time in what interests our spouse can encourage them, so does investing time in what interests our kids. Sometimes God gives us kids who like the same things that we do, but often He does not. However, when we try to conform our kids to our image – what we like and are inclined towards – we (perhaps inadvertently) are no longer teaching them to conform to the image of God. Therefore, we should be striving to teach them how to steward their gifts and interests in a way that honors their Creator. One of the most effective ways that we can have these conversations is if we know what they like, and why they like it. You may hate the thought of camping, but if it is what excites your kid, pitch a tent and spend time in nature. Legos may be the last thing on your mind, but if your kid can’t seem to get enough of them, spend time on the floor building and creating alongside them. Just like your kid’s hobbies don’t have to be your hobbies, you don’t need to be as passionate about their every interest as your kid is. But we should be passionate about knowing the fearful and wonderful people that God created when He formed our kids. Let’s spend time getting to know them and their interests, and as we do so, may we encourage them to be people who use the whole of their lives to honor God.
5. Put a halt to careless words
If you are like most adults, you can probably tell a story of at least one time when your parent spoke harshly or thoughtlessly to you and although the years have passed, the words still echo in your mind. The playground mantra may be that “words can never hurt me” but we all know that they do. As a parent, we have a tremendous opportunity to influence our child towards the good and godly, but careless words abuse this stewardship and can have lasting effects. If we are committed to encouraging our kids we will be diligent about using our words in a way that points them to Jesus, and avoid brandishing our speech out of frustration and anger to minimize our kid. If we fail to use our words wisely, we can still model a right response to our kids by being quick to repent and ask for forgiveness from them and from God, as well as expressly committing to being more disciplined with our words in the future. Hurtful words can have a lasting impact but so can words of contrition and forgiveness. May we cease to utter careless words and instead may our speech point our kids to Jesus.
Ephesians 6:4 teaches that parents should not aggravate their children and instead exhorts that they should be brought up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (ESV). One purposeful way of doing that is to encourage them – not so that they may be puffed up but so that they can have courage to keep living in a way that honors the Lord. May we be more faithful in this endeavor knowing that as we do so, we help our kids encounter the love and grace that comes from Jesus and the “build[ing] each other up” that God has commanded of the Church (I Thess. 5:11).
