(Re)Memory Problems

Many years ago I was working out at my apartment when I got a call from a friend. “Where are you?” she asked. “At my apartment” I innocently answered. And in the pause that followed, suddenly it hit me – I was supposed to meet her for dinner! As we were meeting over an hour away, there was no way for me to redeem the gaffe and make it to our appointment.

It was one of the first, but certainly not the last time that I realized that my memory is not what it used to be. In the past, I could keep my appointments in my head and be on time, if not early, for all of them. Now, I find myself leaving post-it notes, electronic reminders, and voice-mail messages for myself if I want to remember things that I’m supposed to do. It could be that I have more things to remember – and I’m pretty sure that’s at least part of it –  but sometimes I long for the days when everything was stored in my internal memory bank, when I could readily access that things I was supposed to know.

However, I’m not the only one that’s prone to bouts of forgetfulness. Throughout Exodus and Deuteronomy we see that the people of Israel regularly forgot the things that God did for them and what He promised them.  We read passages like Deuteronomy 28:1-14 and we see the many blessings that God longs to pour out on them if they will walk in His ways. Yet, we know from history that it won’t be long before they are doing what they want rather than what God says. We may wonder how the Israelites could have ever gone astray after the clarity with which God spoke to them. The blessings of their right actions (i.e. obeying Him) and the consequences of their wrong actions (i.e. sin) were made abundantly clear. Over and over again, God commands them to “remember” – yet they didn’t. They didn’t remember what He had done or the words that He had said – at least not in any way that influenced their action. Because they forgot or neglected their relationship with God, His promises ceased to be as powerful for them. And so they were led astray.

I, too, can “forget” what God has done and the promises that He has made, and this often is the cause of my own sin. I neglect to remember that I will give an account – that there will be consequences for my actions. I forget the faithfulness of God, seize “control,”  and follow my own desires rather than His.

The solution of course is to remember – to remember what He has promised, and Who He is. I need to cling tightly to the promises of God, knowing that He “is not slow” “as some count slowness” – but that He will make good on what He’s promised (2 Peter 3:9).  I need to give thanks when I do remember, knowing that even this is an act of His grace.  I need to be assured that diligent obedience to Him will have a reward – either in this life or the next. And I need to remember that standing before Him, hearing “well done, my good and faithful servant” will be a moment I won’t forget.

 

 

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Too Many “I’m Sorry’s”?

Several weeks ago I heard on the radio that the average male says “I’m sorry” 1.9 million times during their lives. If you assume an average life expectancy of 75 years, that means that he’s apologizes approximately sixty-nine times a day! And considering that he probably didn’t speak for some portion of his early life, that figure is probably even higher. At the end of their lives, it would seem that most guys are accomplished apologizers.

Now some of my readers may be thinking that there are some guys in their lives who should be apologizing a little more. Others, may be thinking the reason for the excessive count is that there are guys with a lot to apologize for. And perhaps both of these factions are right. However,  I can’t help but think that for some it is more than that.  Perhaps the reason that they are apologizing so much is because they’re being told they should. Perhaps an “I’m sorry” is just the conditioned response to the criticism that they receive.

Here’s what I’ve mean. If you have ever watched the TV show “The King of Queens” you’ll hear the main character, Doug, apologizing a lot. It’s not unique to this show; quite a few television programs feature a man who is constantly being corrected and reprimanded (usually by their wife, but not always.)  In “The King of Queens” you quickly get the impression that the apology isn’t a sincere acknowledgment of something that is done wrong, but is instead a strategic way to cut off a potential argument. Doug’s wife, Carrie, is constantly telling Doug all that he is doing wrong. “I’m sorry” is the quickest way to move the discussion on to something else.

But here’s the thing, if you watch the show for any length of time you realize that while Doug is lovable, funny and a bit of a clown, you don’t really see him as a strong character. We might want our men to, as one writer recently put it, “Step it up and be men”, to “Fight. Do the hard work” but if it’s hard to stand tall if you’re constantly being cut down.

This isn’t to say a person shouldn’t apologize. When they’ve done something wrong – they certainly should. But doing some “wrong” and doing something different than the way that I would do it are two entirely different things. And unfortunately many of us often confuse the two.

Scripture has something to say about this. Proverbs 12:16 tells us that “the vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.” Yet it is easy to treat this verse as if it says the opposite – that a  fool ignores an insult, and the prudent let their vexation be known at once. We’re concerned with getting what is rightfully “ours” – whether it’s an apology or things being done our way – and we neglect to realize the impact of our constant complaints. We neglect to realize that if we’re always offended, we’re likely rarely encouraging.

Instead, perhaps  if we were a little more prudent, if we were willing to overlook the minor grievances and inconveniences, there would be the need for a few less apologies. But the few that there are, would be a lot more meaningful.

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