Growth

Be The Helper

It seems that whenever a catastrophic event happens, it isn’t long before social media is punctuated with posts with words of wisdom attributed to Mr. Rogers. In these posts we are reminded that when things get scary and uncertain, we are to “look for the helpers;” to recognize that although we may feel alone, there are others around us who are actively working to make things better.

This advice, originally intended for kids, is well-meaning and may even be beneficial. However, too often we may “look for the helpers” without recognizing that perhaps we should be the ones to help. In other words, instead of just looking for the helpers, we should set out to be one.

The danger in writing this given this context is that we may be tempted to think that we only need to “be the helper” in extreme circumstances. However, as I was recently reminded at a birthday party which featured 21 girls between the ages of 3-9, it is not only when we are in danger that we could use help. We can be a blessing in “ordinary” circumstances by our willingness to lend a hand. And if we are followers of Christ, we should always be looking to bless other people in hopes that as we do so, we will motivate them to seek Christ.

But how should we help? Even when we want to be of assistance, we may feel that we are ill-equipped to do so. Here are four specific principles that may help us help better.

1. Make a specific offer.

When people see someone in need, they often will say “let me know how I can help.” This may be said simply because the person doesn’t want to be presumptuous about how they can serve someone else. However, I have found that more often than not, making a specific offer of how you can help may be even more beneficial. If the person doesn’t want help in that particular way, your specific offer may help them think of another need that they have. If they do need help, but hadn’t yet realized that this was an unmet need, your specific offer can be even more of a blessing than you realized. And even if neither of those things happen, just by taking the time to think through something specific that you can do and showing intentionality in your offer of assistance, you may encourage and strengthen the person you are trying to serve. On a practical note – unless you know the person extremely well – make your offer in the form of a question rather than as an emphatic statement (for example – “Can I help you by taking out your trash?” instead of “I am going to take out your trash for the next 3 weeks.”) If you really want to help someone, you have to be willing to have them reject your offer, knowing that even in making the specific offer you are likely to bless them.

Sometimes you legitimately may not know how you can benefit someone else. If that’s the case, still try to be as definitive as possible in how you offer assistance. At the aforementioned birthday party someone said to me “put me to work.” Even just the specificity of indicating that “I want to do something, and I am willing to do work to bless you” was an encouragement to me. If you can’t be specific in what you offer, at least be explicit in regards to when you can help and your willingness to work hard/spend money/take time to do what is needed. This can also magnify the blessing of your service.

2. Do the small things.

Oftentimes when people want to help, they are looking to do a grand gesture. This is especially true in situations where the need seems significant. It may be that grand gestures are warranted, but it also may be that what the person really needs is someone to help with the small, yet important things. Filling up someone’s car with gas, running some books back to the library, or sorting through mail may not be glamorous, but they can all be a blessing. And if our goal is to be a helper, being a blessing should be what we are about.

One additional note here – I find that when the need is great, people often long to do those things that put them in proximity to the person who needs help. Maybe this is natural as “presence” is one of the greatest gifts we can give to someone else. However, it is often the case that, at least in the immediacy of some great need, a lot of people want to be around, but not a lot of people are eager to do the behind-the-scenes work that may not even afford them the opportunity to have a conversation with the person who is hurting. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about what you can do to bless them, even if it means that you won’t get to actually spend time with them. After all, helping should be about the other person and not about ourselves (see Phil 2:3).

3. Don’t worry about getting credit.

Many of us would probably say that when we help someone else we don’t care about whether or not we receive credit. And yet, as previously noted, often it is the most demonstrable things that people are quickest to do. This may be because those are the things that are most needed, or it may be because we are wanting to put our helping nature on display. To truly be a help, we have to be willing to set aside any pride, and simply think about what is good for the other person. There may be heartache in this and there may be a lack of recognition, but that is o.k. Even Jesus was only thanked by one of the ten lepers, and He helped them by healing them of a devastating disease! We need to be careful that our motivation for serving others is because first and foremost we are serving Christ (see Gal. 1:10; John 12:26). And if He knows what we are doing (and He always does), we don’t need to worry about whether any one else is aware.

4. Help the helpers.

There may be occasions where we don’t have enough information to know what needs to be done, and yet we still want to bless someone. If that is a case, look to those who are already helping, and see how you can help them. I recently experienced this as I cared for a friend whose spouse unexpectedly passed away. Many people in my life knew that I was walking alongside her in the initial days following her husband’s death, and they purposefully set out to help me, so that I could be better able to help her. Maybe you are not in this extreme of a situation, but my guess is that if you are part of the body of Christ and you know that someone is in need and you don’t know what to do, there might be someone you can partner with who is already blessing that person. If someone is washing dishes, you can dry. If someone is bringing a meal, you can get the groceries. If you don’t know what to do to help, find someone who is already helping and work together to be an even bigger blessing to the person in need.

Selfless Servants

Being a helper isn’t easy. It requires that we are willing to set aside our own desires and conveniences in order to bless someone else. But Jesus called His disciples to be servants – first of all to serve Him and then to serve others. Being a servant means that we help – not only because we desire to but because that is part of our responsibility as a follower of Christ. And if we are going to be servants worthy of commendation, we must be willing to set aside our own preferences for the good of someone else – to humbly and graciously help others so that in doing so they may recognize that their ultimate help is in Christ.
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Purpose

The Consistency Key

I still remember the day when, as a high school student, I was assigned the project of writing my own eulogy. This tried and true technique for making people think about the type of person that they want to become may seem morbid to some, but it is also very clarifying. When you are compelled to codify your hopes and dreams into a few hundred words, it helps to solidify the tasks and the relationships on which you should focus the most attention. As has often been said, it helps to begin with the end in mind.

Of course, you can’t ever really know what people are going to say in remembrance of you.  I was reminded of this recently when one of my closest friends passed away unexpectedly at the age of 34. There was never an opportunity for my friend to think about how he wanted to live out his last days on Earth; no time for him to complete a “bucket list” or to double down on his investment in important relationships. When God called him Home it was surprising and it was quick. He simply didn’t have the chance to overtly influence what words would be spoken in memory of him.

And yet, if you were to listen to his memorial service, what you would find is that time and time again, people said the same things. Without any type of coordination, there was a remarkable consistency in how they described what was important to him (God and his family), what he was passionate about (winning souls to Christ), and the type of person he was (trustworthy, funny, and committed to serving). People who knew him at various stages in life and from various contexts all related the same message regarding his character and his priorities, because, regardless of where and when people encountered my friend – he was the same person. All his life was focused on loving God and loving others – and because he consistently focused on these things – every single person who spoke of him did so in remarkably similar ways.

As I reflected on this experience, I realized that there is a lesson in it for all of us. We do not know the day or the hour that our time on Earth will end, but we do know that that time is coming. Whether we are given the opportunity to more clearly anticipate our death, or whether, like for my friend, it comes as a surprise, we can be intentional about shaping the impact that we make. Here are just a few of the ways:

1. Be clear about your priorities.

One of the reasons that those of us who spoke at the memorial service could so clearly articulate what mattered to our friend is that, while he was on Earth, he told us. It didn’t take a long conversation with him to know what was important to him. He loved God and he wanted others to know Him. He loved his family and he wanted to be the type of husband and dad that would honor God. These things weren’t a mystery to us because they weren’t a mystery to him. He was focused on a few, important things, and he made sure that he knew what those were and that so did others. Matthew 6:33 says to seek first the kingdom of God and everything else that you need will be added unto you. If you are clear about prioritizing Christ and His kingdom, and diligent about the ministries that He has given you, this is going to show through your life. And when God calls you home, it is going to leave an impression on those around you.

2. Step up and show up.

Another reason that there was such remarkable consistency in how people honored my friend is that he was the type of person who did what he said he was going to do. For some it may be tempting to think that in order to be this type of person, you have to limit what you are willing to commit to. And there may be some truth in that, but my friend didn’t hold back from intentionally and proactively investing in other people. He stepped up when there was a need, and he showed up to do the hard work of showing people he cared. He was not only a man of words, but a man of action. And because of this, people did not have to wonder what his priorities were. Christ calls His disciples to serve, and if we are serious about following this call, it is going to require some extra time, some extra work, and in all likelihood, some extra heartache. But it will also help ensure that people will know that they matter to us, and that more importantly, that they know that they matter to God and are loved by Him. If people can know this as a result of how we live, we can help ensure that the legacy we leave will be a significant one – not for our own glory, but for the renown of our Savior and King.

3. Be specific with your prayers.

One of the reasons that my friend was so consistent in who he was and the impact he had was because he sought God’s wisdom on what he did. While we all may think that we do this, my friend was specific and detailed in his requests. He was purposeful about seeking godly wisdom before he acted, so it should come as no surprise that his actions continually pointed people to God. He wasn’t who he was simply because that was how God made him, he was consistently that person because he was perpetually being shaped by Christ.  This wasn’t just because he carried the title of “pastor” – it was because he was always being conformed to the One who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. And because he was seeking everlasting wisdom from an unchanging God, my friend’s life was remarkably consistent in bringing others to Him.

 

Parting Words

When I recognized the consistency by which everyone spoke about my friend during the memorial service, I quickly realized that the deliberate way he lived his life for Christ meant that when others spoke of him, they could easily articulate the type of man, husband, father, pastor, and friend he was. Several days later, on a whim, I took a look at his Twitter feed and found the message he shared the day of his unexpected death.  Retweeting a post from Desiring God, it said:

 

Three ways to purify your thinking: 1. Set your mind on what is true and honorable. 2. Set your mind on things that are above. 3. Set your mind on Christ himself.

 

These words defined the aim of my friend’s life. And because he consistently lived that way, he consistently pointed others to Christ – while he was on this Earth, and even upon entering glory. How wonderful it would be if when God calls us Home, the same would be true for us.

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