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Growing up, I always loved the song that went “Cherish is the word I use to describe, all the feeling that I have hiding here inside.” Google tells me that this song is aptly titled “Cherish”, but I have a hard time thinking of it without the rest of the words in the opening line of the chorus.

The reason that I liked the song so much is that “cherish” seemed to more adequately describe that which we sought in a healthy relationship. The more traditional word, love, had been strewn around too much to carry any significant meeting. The word love had supplanted “lust”, “infatuation” and “obsessiveness” , and “really, really like” one too many times for me. Cherish seemed more appropriate. In my mind it conjured up images of deference, of respect, and of value. We use the word cherish to describe that which we honor and will not let go of. More so than “love” which had come to mean anything from a passing fancy to a familial connection, it described romance.

Recently though, I’ve found another application for the word. “Coincidentally” the last two week’s we’ve been learning what it means to love one another in church. I write coincidentally because the dual lessons came about as a result of a guest speaker, not a planned program. However, God must have thought our church needed a refresher, because the two lessons were almost identical in their motif: as part of God’s family we are called to love one another – selflessly, humbly and with purpose. And while I agree that is true, I think cherish may also more accurately describe how we are to be to our brothers and sisters in Christ. Because modern-day usage has destroyed the meaning of the word love, it can conjure up images of tolerance for family members rather than active pursuit of their good. And while tolerance is admirable, I think God had in mind the latter rather than the former. We are to cherish those who are part of His family. To honor, esteem them, and work for their edification. We are to value them if for no other reason that our Father has fit to call them His kids. Cherishing them is how we demonstrate our commitment to Him.

Love is a good word. I use it on a regular basis. But when it comes to my co-laborers in Christ, I think my aim will be to cherish.

In “Lucky You”, Drew Barrymore plays a girl new to the Vegas scene who falls for the bad-boy, compulsive gambler. The movie wasn’t great, and Drew Barrymore’s character was one of the least believable, but despite these flaws, she did have one noteworthy saying. As the two lovebirds stare at the city’s light, she utters “I think everyone is just trying to avoid being lonely.” The setting was contrived, but the words full of veracity. Most people are just trying to avoid being lonely. Its why people obsess over divergent things – drugs, relationships, church, cars, etc. As Tim McGraw sings “We’re all looking for meaning in our lives, we follow the road that leads us to drugs or Jesus.”

What I think has been lost is that there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. Loneliness concerns having an unfulfilled need – a sense of abandonment and lack of validation. Being alone simply means having solitude. For many, the fact that they are alone brings on feeling of loneliness because they consider their isolation as a form of destitution. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be this way. Being alone can simply mean that there is no one else around. Maybe not a preferable situation, but an instructive one. Because in our singularity we can learn a lot about who we are and who we are not. We come to discover what life is like without our masks and we feel those things that we are scared to acknowledge in community. Being alone shouldn’t be avoided, it should be celebrated because its when we are most vulnerable with ourselves, and with God.

I know why people try to avoid being lonely. God made us for community and when we are deprived of that our soul suffers. But being in community doesn’t mean never being alone. It means having people to be alone with. And its trusting that a time of solitude will make the community all the sweeter.