Relationships

Worry: Large and In Charge

I used to tell people that I was a “champion worrier” recognizing that worrying was something I shouldn’t do, but also finding that it was one of those sins that people tend to “accept.” Later, realizing that God found it very unacceptable regardless of what others thought, I decided I should work on not worrying rather than spending time talking about how good I was at it. God was faithful, and I found that the more my trust in Him grew, my propensity for worry was reduced. After all, at its root worry is a decision to trust in what I know and what I can do, rather than trusting in the Almighty King. When I place my full confidence in the One who created and maintains the universe, I have no reason to worry.

Doing this day-in and day-out is hard. The temptation to want to seize control is strong. Yet, I’ve come to realize that, like most sins, worry doesn’t have an isolated effect. It not only effects us, but our relationships as well.

There are at least three ways worry impacts those we love:

1) We don’t encourage – When we’re busy stressing over what will or won’t be, we’re not concentrating on loving those that God has placed in our lives. This means that we aren’t looking for areas in which we can encourage them, because we are too busy looking for how we might arrange and organize the things of our lives to get what we want. Worry saps our strength – and as a result, we aren’t in a position to lift others up. We’re not intent on looking for the good of the other, because we are too busy focusing on ourselves.

2) We don’t have patience – When we are anxious about what tomorrow holds, we have little patience for today. This means that if people are seemingly interfering with our ability to dictate the outcomes of our own life, our anxiety over the future commands our response, not the grace and love of God. Patience and understanding gets replaced by quick-tempers and harsh words. If we’re not willing to wait for God to act, we are less likely to wait on the work that God is doing in the lives of others as well.

 3) We don’t trust – As stated earlier, at the root of worry is a lack of trust. Ultimately this is a lack of trust in God, but it effects our trust of others as well.  We’re less wiling to rely on others and to believe in others, because we’re deceived into thinking that we have control.  If we have control then all we need is ourselves and this mindset will slowly infiltrate how we interact with others – usually with those we love the most.

If we find that our relationships are devoid of encouragement, patience and trust, it may be because they are consumed with worry instead. We need to be intent then on not giving worry control of our lives, but to trust in the One who controls everything. After all, He is a much better God than worry will ever be.

 

How have you seen worry damage relationships?

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Relationships

First Response

When a disaster strikes in the United States, there are teams of people who have been especially prepared to handle such circumstances. These “first response” groups, as they are known, are equipped to know how to best deal with a chaotic and unpredictable situation. They have the skills and resources to help minimize damage and protect the most number of people as possible.

In our lives, we also have a “first response” team – a group of people that we turn to when things aren’t going well.  Similarly, we may be part of someone else’s team; we may be the person that they count on to help them weather a storm. Unsurprisingly, these people are usually the individuals that are closest to us – our spouses, our parents, or dear friends.  They rely on us in their moments of greatest needs.

Yet sometimes we don’t treat this position as the privilege that it is. Just like the emergency “first responders” are a select and esteemed group, we have been carefully selected by the people who count on us. This means that we need to be equipped and prepared to deal with their life emergency.

Practically this means at least three things:

1) We need to know the proper instructions – If people come to us for help and assistance, the most helpful thing that we can do is to point them to the One who knows their situation intimately and can provide the most powerful help imaginable. That means we need to know God’s Word. We need to know what God says about their situation, how they should respond, and the promises that He offers to those who call on Him.

2) We need to practice love. – The reason the first responders are so good at their job is that they practice. Simulations try to create the types of situations that they might find themselves in. We don’t have to create virtual events in order for us to practice. We have the opportunity to practice sacrificial love each and every day. This type of love isn’t interested in what benefits us, but what is beneficial to them. If we are doing this when there isn’t an emergency, it will likely be our response when there is one as well.

3) We need to be equipped with encouragement. –  Being a first responder can be difficult because there is chaos everywhere. Sometimes our first reaction is to try to “fix” the problem – by telling people what they are doing wrong or by removing barriers for them. However, while we may be able to provide a solution, usually when people turn to us, the first thing that they need to hear is to keep walking the path that God has for them. Much like a trapped patient doesn’t need to hear about the surgery they will eventually need to have, we need to give them the “first aid” first – we need to stop the bleeding – and then work on the subsequent steps. Of course, if someone is walking contrary to God’s will, we can’t encourage that – but except in these situations the first words on our lips should be bandages of encouragement. We can move on to the detail prescription afterward.


Being a first responder isnt’ easy, but they play a critical role in saving lives after a catastrophe.  It won’t be easy for us either, but if we know the proper instructions, practice love and are equipped with encouragement, we can have confidence that we can be someone our loved ones can count on when they face their own time of need.


What’s missing from the list that is critical for “first responders?”

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